Thank you Baby Bear

Dear Baby Bear,
When you read this you will be much older, and able to understand the sleep you deprived me of. The first three days after having you, you did not sleep at all. I then spent eight weeks waking every two hours, which sent me a little loopy. The remote was found in the fridge, the milk in the cupboard where I keep my teacups, the bottle of fabric softener inside the washing machine...
But I'd like to mark this momentus day with a thank you note. For what, you might ask? I put you to bed in your own room at 7pm... at 8.30 I'd had enough of waiting for you to settle and took you to bed with me. There we slept until 2.30 am! When I fed you and snuggled back down... until 7.30 am!!!! ONE NIGHT FEED! I feel amazing. I know it's probably a fluke and won't happen again for another six months but I dont care. Turns out all I had to do was bath you earlier and top you up with formula.

I love you Baby Bear (We'll crack the co-sleeping later...)
xxx

Early Morning Waking

I am not a morning person.
I am better than some, Daddy Bear for example takes about an hour of pressing the snooze button before he drags himself out of bed.
I will get up straight away, I just dont like getting up early.

Now I accepted that my days of waking at 11am were over when I had a baby, and I got used to waking at 7am with Baby Bear, and then back to bed at 9ish when he got tired again. But Baby Bear is only on two feeds a night at the minute, but has started waking just before 6am and not going back to sleep :(

Our routine:
Nap from 5pm until 6.15
Bath at 6.30pm, then baby massage and dressed
Play until 7pm
Bottle of EBM at 7pm (sometimes 6.50 if he's fractious)
Cuddles until he starts getting sleepy
Put into bed at 7.30pm, where he will fight sleep for about an hour, sometimes longer!

I've tried putting him to bed later. I've tried putting him to bed earlier. Neither work for him.

I don't function particularly well waking up at 6am, it's killing me! So today I'm going to try and keep the baby up longer in the daytime and see if that works!

Hoping for a lie-in!
xxx

So I guess I'm just unlucky.

I heard of people who stopped bleeding two weeks after their birth and naturally assumed that would be me.

Nope. Six weeks.

I was told lovely stories about people not having a period until they stopped breastfeeding.

Nope. Two days after pp bleeding stopped I had one.

Then, to top that off, four days after my period stopped... I start bleeding again. What the hell is going on? How many packs of Always am I going to have to use? I WANT TO WEAR NORMAL PANTS AGAIN!!! I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A PAD ANYMORE!!!!!

And just when I was about to give up and cry, I looked down at my gorgeous baby, and got this in return:




Isn't he just beautiful?

Wasting time watching my little one nap
xxx

Breastfeeding in Public

I saw a tag today that says, 'I breastfeed in public, if you have a problem, put a blanket over your head' and it made me chuckle.
I went out for lunch with a friend last week, and typically, as my food arrives, Baby Bear wakes for his feed. It happens most of the time - he's really got his timing down to an art now! So I unclipped my nursing bra and started feeding. Much to the dismay of the tables around me. I don't cover over all the time, I don't think it's necessary. I think if you cover up whilst nursing, it should be to make you feel more comfortable, not other people. If they don't like it they dont HAVE to watch! Besides, Baby Bear latches on and off frequently during the first few minutes of feeding and it's a pain trying to get my nipple in his mouth under a muslin square.

What is everyones problem with breastfeeding? I never sat and stared at someone feeding in public before I had a baby. I never made irritating comments like, 'Oh God, I don't know where to look'. I have every right to feed my baby wherever I want to, and wherever I feel comfortable. I think a lot of people choose not to breastfeed because of the judgement you get from certain individuals, and it isn't right. If a mummy doesn't want to breastfeed, it should be because she choses not to, not because she doesn't want nasty stares from people.
I've seen drunken girls out on a Friday night getting their nips out and getting less attention! (courtesy of working in a nightclub)

phew, rant over.

On a less angry note, any expectant mummies out there who aren't sure whether they want to breastfeed, don't let idiots discourage you. I was shy for the first few times i fed in public and I covered up with a muslin. But I soon got over it. The baby needs feeding, they dont have to look and once latched, baby's head covers most of your boob.

Happily getting her boobies out in public for the last 7 weeks
xxx

Reflux

Baby Bear has become Grumpy Bear. He cries a lot - seemingly for no reason which can frustrate Mummy and Daddy Bear as they just want to make it better. Mummy Bear asked (told) the GP if he had reflux, after changing his sicky clothes 50 times (and her own), watching him gag and choke on nothing, and finding he doesn't sleep for very long even though he's exhausted :( the GP prescribed baby Gaviscon, as he agreed with Mummy Bear. Mummy Bear got very excited, thinking BB was going to get better, and promptly made up a bottle of water and Gaviscon. Gave it to him after his booby, as instructed... or tried, anyway. BB gagged on every drop he was given, crying and spitting it out. So MB pumped off a bottle and mixed it in with that... Baby Bear didn't like that much either, only taking 3oz before pushing the bottle away and losing interest. Mummy Bear is lost now until she sees the Health Visitor next Tuesday.

I don't know what to do for him. He's less sick if he has formula, but I don't want to formula feed him. It's nothing against mothers who do, just my choice. He's better if slept on his side, but this obviously fights with the SIDS advice, so I don't sleep well listening out for him! Grr! I'm going to keep researching and talk to the HV, surely there's more than medicine he hates available?

Wanting to help her poor Baby Bear
xxx

Just a Labour Flashback...

Was catching up on my celeb news this morning (yes, I do get time to do such trivial things in the morning as Baby Bear loves his playmat!) and read that Mariah Carey wanted to give birth to her own songs! Saying that, I had a labour playlist.
I wanted to listen to pan flutes in the early stages, and happy songs that brought back nice memories in active labour.

With my 1st stage of labour being just under two hours, my birth plan went out of the window. It took almost an hour and a half to pack the last of my bag, have a cup of tea and get to the hospital, by which point I was fighting the urge to push in the car (I thought I was being ridiculous, little did I know I was already fully dilated). My lovely midwife offered to run me a bath, and I said yes... It got about two inches full before I shouted I didn't have time!!

I then read that Miranda Kerr told Orlando Bloom he wasn't allowed to leave her to pee, and thought this was mean until I remembered Daddy Bear saying he needed the loo, and telling him 'well I need to push, so you'll have to wait!'
His bladder really was the last thing on my mind when there was a giant head making it's way down my birth canal.

So needless to say, half the stuff in my hospital bag was absolutely useless. Although I used the pillow (after telling my mum not to bring it), I came home with it almost fully packed. I'd changed into a nightgown to deliver, used toiletries to have a shower, and put a clean outfit to go home in... Obviously I didn't know my labour was going to be so short, or that I'd be let out of hospital six hours later, or my bag would have been considerably lighter. For all I knew, I could have been in labour for days, using the magazines, snacks, and various other bits and pieces I'd packed.

Happily reminiscing...
xxx

Being A New Mummy

My body's ability to irritate me surprises me no end. I bled for six weeks post-partum, which in my eyes is a ridiculous amount of time and I should have taken out stock shares in Always. So I had my first bath with Baby Bear, and absolutely loved it. He snuggled into me and smiled whilst splashing about. I awoke this morning with a back ache.
Not surprising, I walked ridiculous amounts yesterday.
Then had a crampy tummy this morning.
Okay, maybe that chicken did look a bit suspect last night.
It took me hours to realize it was menstrual cramps. Daddy Bear was a bit confused - he forgets it was around this time last year when I had my last period, I'm out of practice!!

It does explain why I keep crying when Baby Bear does I guess...
And the two empty tubs of Ben & Jerry's Coconutterly Fair...

I knew it would happen eventually, but I had TWO BLOODY DAYS OF FREEDOM!!
Two glorious days without a pad, and it came back. I hate my body sometimes. Not only do I have a belly that looks like a deflated balloon, boobies that are so engorged they are bigger than my head and greasy hair, I have a uterus with no consideration for my feelings.

On another note, after days of feeding on demand whilst Baby Bear had a growth spurt, he seems to have settled down now. I put him back on the feeding routine in the Gina Ford book - this I like, it was the nap times I couldn't get on with, and although he fights sleep it's nowhere near as bad and it's easier on both of us, thank god. I've reduced the amount he sleeps in the day, but he's still always fairly sleepy in the day and very grumpy if I keep him awake too long so I do let him sleep when he needs it.

So although I'm tired, and my belly hurts, I still love being a mummy. Every days is like trial and error, if one thing doesn't work for us I try not to punish myself, and adjust our routine accordingly. Eventually I'll find something that works for us both, and maybe one day in the not so distant future I'll get more than three hours at a time!

Waiting to give Baby Bear his dreamfeed before I go to bed myself!
xxx

Oh little Bear, why won't you sleep?

So, I accepted I was going to be tired. I knew being a mummy was going to be hard. But my little bubba, who was sleeping relatively well, has changed his mind, and now has decided it's much more fun to stay awake.

I attempted to follow Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby Routine, but it wasn't for me. I'm a very active person and I found the routine very restricting as Little Bear was supposed to sleep in his room, in the dark, at set nap times. I can't stay in all day, it's not practical and drove me insane. I also found that keeping him awake for set amount of times just made him very cranky. So I started following his lead. If he wants to sleep, I let him sleep. But I make sure that when he is awake, I play with him, talk to him and keep him stimulated. For the last few days he's been cluster-feeding, and I'm putting it down to a growth spurt, as I can't settle him with a dummy, cooled boiled water or a cuddle, he wants food every 60-90 mins.

And don't get me started on night times. He fights sleep for a long time, spitting out his dummy and waking after about five minutes, so it's a cycle of put fummy back in, hold his hands, and usually he'll settle. If not, a quick cuddle will quieten him. Put him down. He wakes within 15 mins and cries. Back in, dummy in, drifts off, leave the room, he wakes up. It doesn't matter if I'm in my bed next to his Moses Basket, he's just not staying asleep.

I'm putting it down to insufficient naps during the day, he's fighting them too which means I struggle to get anything done! Over the past few days I've tried swaddling, sleeping bags, keeping him warm, keeping him cool, a bottle of formula, putting a sheet under the head of his mattress so he's not flat, and now I'm at a loss!

Today, my experiment is letting him nap in his bouncy chair in front of me instead of putting him in his room. I figure he's only dinky and needs to know I'm close, as he is fast asleep has stirred once or twice, spotted me and gone back to sleep. He's quite happy to sleep in my arms, or in a chair or in the pram, but this doesn't help my night times - I appear to be running on some kind of freaky back-up energy for now but I'm very tired.

Let's see if what they say is true - that sleep breeds sleep and his better daytime naps mean better sleep at night - I shall update soon!!

Eagerly awaiting a better night's sleep
xxx

Post-Baby Body

I never expected to pop right back into shape after I gave birth (just hoped and prayed) but I wasn't prepared for how different my body would be. Not to scare any first time mummies out there, but it's not the prettiest sight.

I saw all the celebrities appearing weeks after giving brith looking no different and assumed I'd be pretty much the same - I'm young and slim, why wouldn't I be like that?
Because I don't have a nutritionist and personal trainer (or the will power) that's why. I can't exercise properly for another week and I'm breastfeeding so can't diet.

It's been five weeks since I popped the little one out, and yes I've lost a lot of my baby belly, but I have no clothes that fit. My maternity stuff is obviously massive, but my pre-preggo clothes are nowhere near fitting. I have a wedding to go to on Sunday, and have been trying desperately to find and outfit that doesn't make me look like a wobbly blob.

I have given up after a depressing incident in the H&M changing rooms. I found two gorgeous dresses, and I was reasonable - I didn't pick up and 8 or a 10 because I knew they wouldn't fit, but I picked up one dress in a 12, and another in a 14. I skipped up to the changing rooms, pleased I'd found something.
The 12 barely fit over my head, let alone did up.
The 14 almost zipped all the way up, so I took off my bra, determined to get it on. It still didn't do up, and then Baby Bear started crying outside. Bugger. I saw two wet patches spreading rapidly on the dress and tried to get out of it quickly. That was when my let-down really kicked in a mik started spraying everywhere - over the mirror, running down my belly, dripping on the floor. I grabbed my breastpads and stemmed the flow, before dressing quickly and running from the shop red-faced.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK NICE WHEN I LEAK EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME!!!!??? PRETTY DRESSES AND MASSIVE, LEAKY, VEINY BOOBIES DON'T GO!!!!!

So I'm going naked.

If I'm not arrested for public indecency (Because nobody wants to see my saggy, stretchmarky tummy, ever-expanding arse and big veiny boobies) I'll write again soon to let you know how it went

Eagerly awaiting a normal body
xxx

I am one exhausted Mummy Bear

My little Bear is five weeks old today... and I have aged at least ten years since he was born. When asked if I wanted someone to look after him over night so I could go out, I said I'd rather have a full night's sleep!

I wonder if I brought it on myself by choosing to breastfeed - it's bloody hard and awkward at times, and I do see why a lot of women give it up... but I look down at him suckling away on my boob, holding onto it for dear life and staring up at me all content, and I know I love it really. This feeling however is usually during the day, not at night when he is feeding every two hours. I'm hoping this is a growth spurt, and he's cluster feeding to make up for it because I can't do this much longer!! I don't want to give it up though, I know it's best for him.

He's just gorgeous though, and I spend my days just staring at him. Between feeding, washing, changing, and trying to keep some semblance of order to my house, I don't really do much else, but that in it's self is ridiculously hard!

I must get back to being super mum right now, so I'll post better soon. I apologise for the slack posting by the way, my stupid internet broke.

Loving being a mummy
xxx