Arghh!

Just a very quick update.

So I swallowed my fear and texted my mother. (This is how I told her last time as I am too chickenshit to tell her face to face)

Only it was half an hour ago.

And she hasn't replied.

My dad did - my dad was amazing about it, said he was really happy for us :D

But my mum still hasn't...

Panicking now.

If I don't update you within a week...
She has killed me....

Telling the mother....

So my mother doesn't actually know I'm pregnant. To be fair, nobody really does! It's funny how much this pregnancy differs from the first! Last time I was shouting it from the roof... This time I'm even more frightened of telling my mother I'm having another one. After countless warnings and threats to not have another child for at least ten years. Oops! Though to be fair, I didn't actually plan to have another for at least like... three years.

I may have begged OH for a baby when I saw pictures of Facebook of pretty newborns... and joked about a small age gap...

BUT I WASN'T BLOODY SERIOUS!

But that's the way the cookie crumbles. And I'm very happy about Beany.

In fact, I got my NT scan date through, and I'm pretty buzzed. Except I'm already 9 weeks pregnant... And I haven't even told my own mother. Because she's going to shout at me.

Am I really mature enough to have two kids if I'm worried about my mother telling me off?

On the other hand, BB has got over the god-awful virus that made him a demon child. He's been STTN (despite now waking at 6.30 am like he has a bloody alarm clock) and he's less whingy. Still snotty though, and seems to have developed a liking for wiping his nose on my clothes or in my hair - nice huh? Yummy.

Thinking about hiding until Beany is here...
xxx

I Need a Week of Sleep...

OK, yeah, I suffered with the ol' first tri exhaustion last time... except I didn't have a baby to look after, a house to clean, three ten hours shifts a week, food shopping to do and a to-do list that's longer than my arm. I'm sat here, praying BB stops fighting his nap this morning so I can go back to sleep. I can't get enough of the stuff. I could happily stay in bed for a week, and I'd probably still need more.

And randomly, I got an awful case of nausea yesterday. Eight weeks into my pregnancy, thinking I'd gotten away with another pregnancy with no sickness, I got wave after wave of nausea. No actual vomiting but I think feeling sick is worse than being sick for me. I'm hoping it was because I didn't take enough food to work yesterday and I was just hungry...

BB has actually gone for a nap so I'm going to collapse for a bit.

Hoping for a miracle cure for tiredness
xxx

I'm only bloody pregnant again!

AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And I'm not joking, as my mother-in-law thought. After this baby is born I need some kind of super-strength, fail-safe contraception because this will be my last baby!! Part of me wants to hide in a hole and just stay there. Daddy Bear can looks after Baby Bear, I shall pop out Beany and all will be well in the world. The reality? I'm going to have an 18 month old baby and a newborn. I have to run around after a toddler, pregnant. As melancholy as I sound, I am actually happy about it. I'm fine now the initial shock has worn off. I'm just really bloody tired - to the point I want to go back to sleep pretty much after Baby Bear has gone to bed.

I had my first antenatal appointment yesterday. My GP thought it was very amusing to see me back again so soon! He put me at 6+5, which I agree with, but gave me a due date of the 15th September, just to give a few days leeway apparently... Except I make my due date the 13th. Oh well, the scan will say for sure! I'm not a huge fan of Dr Arsehole anyway, I always get the feeling he doesn't entirely know what he's doing. Last pregnancy he tried to give me Trimethoprim in the first tri, and it was me who told him I wasn't allowed it. And when I went for my six week check I was telling him about Baby Bear vomiting, and he said 'So do you think it's reflux then?' Er, I was kind of hoping you'd tell me? Being a doctor and all...

The big difference between this pregnancy and the last though is I was wishign the last pregnancy away, just wanting my baby. This one I'm hoping slows down so I can enjoy my time with BB!! I still haven't had any morning sickness, just nausea and heartburn. My boobs are sore but not unbearable, and I'm exhausted all the time. Pretty much the same as last time.

Praying BB sleeps through the time soon!!!!!
xxx

Christmas Shopping Attempt #1

What a palava!

Okay, so me and little one were up washed dressed and bags packed by 11am. Just so you know, this never happens. It takes a lot to make me get dressed before noon. Unless I have somewhere particularly important or interesting to be. But I was determined to get a bit of Christmas shopping done, other than the few odd bits I've got online.

Apparently BB had other ideas.

I walked into town, which takes half an hour, because BB had been grizzly all morning and I thought the pram might settle him. But it didn't. He moaned all the way there. As soon as I stepped into Matalan he was hysterical, sobbing and crying, real tears and everything. So I picked him up out of the pram and he seemed okay but still very withdrawn, and he was quite warm. So I put him back in the pram and walked to Boots, he screamed all the way there. Bought some teething powder, gave him a dose and sat down on a bench. I tried giving him a bottle, made him cry. Gave him a carrot puff, made him cry. So I decided it was easiest to take him home. Jumped on the bus, he was still crying. Got halfway home and he fell asleep...

Got home, and the sobbing started again, he settled after a dose of calpol and slept for two hours.
I think my little angel has some more teeth coming. Three months after the last two!!

Waiting for the next ones to pop through
xxx

How could you be angry at this face?

I officially need eyes in the back of my head. My child was born with a radar that senses anything he is not allowed. I could put him in a padded room full of toys and he would find a way to hurt himself. In the past week, he has pulled a kitchen chair onto his face and gotten a black eye, been pushed over by another baby and gotten a nice egg on the back of his head, tried to walk between one piece of furniture and another, fallen and hit his nose on the corner and somehow (he was with his daddy and grandma and they have no idea) got a nasty cut on the back of his head.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a helmet for him soon.

He can pull himself up on anything (and I mean anything - my legs, the walls, kitchen cupboards) which means unless it's up really high, nothing is safe! He's changed settings on my Sky box, dribbled into the speaker on my iPhone, pulled all of my books off of the book shelf, all of the fake stones out of my fake fire, the list is endless. His nickname is Destructo-boy!

The other day, I left the room for two damn seconds and he'd destroyed my newspaper (and eaten chunks of it) and ripped up my post.

Desperately trying to hide anything valuable
xxx

A Survival Guide for New Mummies

This is only in my experience - I am a first-time mummy but I got through those early days of non-stop feeding, changing and cuddles. Looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I'd tried earlier!

Firstly, accept help! You'll probably get every family member, friend and random stranger offering tips and help. If they offer to cook you dinner, eat it. I rarely got time to cook in the early days, and my mother in law filling my freezer with soups and stews was a godsend. If somebody says they'll help with the housework - let them! I always said no, I was coping... I wasn't. My house was a tip for months. If you do insist on doing it yourself, invest in a sling! In fact, get a sling anyway. If you've got a colicky or refluxy baby, a sling is perfect for keeping them close and letting them sleep whilst you can get on. If your mum or other half says 'do you want me to come round and sit with the baby whilst you sleep' DEAR GOD SAY YES! You're not being a bad mother by accepting help, or not being with your newborn every second, a bit of sleep, even half an hour, will make the rest of the day easier.

Don't beat yourself up! If you choose not to breastfeed, it's your choice. Don't let anybody, including yourself, make you feel bad for it. If you can't breastfeed, some people can't, or don't like it, or don't get on with it. It doesn't make you a bad mum. You love your baby, no matter what way you choose to feed. I gave Lucas a dummy after a week. I was so dead certain I would never give a dummy but he was comfort sucking and I wasn't getting any sleep, it saved my sanity. We all have these set ideas in our head, but try to just go with the flow. For weeks, I really felt guilty for stopping breastfeeding, but I just forced myself to think 'happy mummy, happy baby'.

I know everybody says it... BUT SLEEP WHEN BABY SLEEPS! Nobody cares if you haven't hoovered, or there's a bit of washing up. It can wait. You could have a long old night ahead of you, and when you're up for what seems the fiftieth time that night, you'll wish you'd napped earlier.

Eat well. Even if you're not breastfeeding. You've just given birth, your body is recovering from pregnancy, and you need the energy.

Establish visiting times. I wish I'd done this. I had constant visitors for weeks and it's exhausting. If you want your first day with your baby to be just you, your partner and your baby, tell everybody that. Tell them to ring or text before they come, and you can say no if your tired! Most people understand!

If your partner isn't helping enough, sit them down and tell them. Many nights I've woken to the crying baby, gotten up to change, feed and rock baby back to sleep and heard Daddy Bear snoring away happily, and wanted to punch him. The whole of the next day I'd be furious at him, not speak to him, and our relationship suffered. Talking really does help.

And lastly (for now), coping with crying... Not all people agree with me, I'm not pushing my opinions on anybody. But if you've fed, changed, cuddled, sang, rocked, wished and prayed and baby won't settle (providing he's not ill), and you find yourself getting aggravated (I promise you it happens to everybody) put the baby down in his cot, shut the door, and sit in another room for a few minutes. Have a cuppa, or whatever you need, and go back in when your calm. All you'll do if you carry on when your frustrated, is frustrate baby.

Anyway, that's all for now.
I promise it gets easier
xxx