1 step forwards, 20 back

I'd like to start off by apologising for not writing the last few days - it's because I've turned into a sleep deprived zombie.

BB has decided he doesn't like nightimes. He's constantly waking, doesn't want a feed, cuddles, dummy. He's not hot/cold, doesn't have a wet bum... and yet something stops him from sleeping. He wakes at least hourly, and I go in, replace his dummy, and go back to bed. I can hear him tossing and turning in his sleep, so I burp him... and nothing comes up. Tonight I'm going to try a bit of gripe water as I'm completely lost. I don't know whether to try calpol as he might be teething. At the minute I'd try anything as funnily enough, crying out of frustration doesn't do a lot to settle him! I actually gave up at 4.50 am this morning and let him sleep on my whilst I watched TV.

On a positive note - I made his first purees for the freezer. It's a trial and error process, and the first one was more error than anything...

I peeled and boiled two sweet potatoes, and popped them into my blender... switch on... nothing.
Bugger.
Tried readjusting, putting it into another plug... nothing.
Sigh...

So I put it into a bowl, got a whisk, and pressed on. Yes, it went everywhere at first. But I've managed to make a puree, adding a bit of the cooking water.
I popped it into an icecube tray... still loads left. used a few of the weaning pots I have... Still loads left.

Note to self, two sweet potatoes makes a ridiculous amount of puree!

So yesterday I went to my mum's and did a butternut squash one, using her steamer and food processor - so much easier!

Must get some kind of new blender!!

Eagerly anticipating the day when I can sleep again...
xxx

Night of the Living Dead

Do you know what happens when Mummy Bear has to get up all night?

She becomes a walking zombie...

She shuffles through her housework, tripping over her feet and taking twice as long....
She puts handwash on her toothbrush,
Nappies in the fridge,
Milk in the mug cupboard,
Forgets what she's saying half way through a sentance,
Dresses BB in bizarre outfits...

What happened BB? You were sleeping through the night? I thought I'd finally cracked it! I was beginning to feel human again, then all of a sudden I was waking every hour to put your dummy back in, we went back to nighttime feeds and MB went back to the walking dead.

Missing her sleep
xxx

It's Judgement Day

I made a comment about another mum, which caused a bit of a stir, and made me think. It's natural to judge - those who say they don't, probably don't realise they're doing it. We try not to - and it's not about thinking we are better but we all have our own views on what's right or wrong. What I feel is right for my baby might be completely wrong for another. Somebody who prefers attachment-style parenting (baby-wearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cuddle-it-out, baby-led weaning) may think that a mother who formula feeds, traditional weans, cot-sleeps and lets baby cry it out is cruel, and this mother may think the attachment mommy is spoiling their baby, but we all have our own way of doing things, and if it isn't hurting baby then why not?

My baby sleeps in his own room, he sleeps better without his daddy's snoring and mummy's fidgeting waking him up. I'm a smoker so I don't co-sleep as I don't want to breathe my faggy breath all over him but I do wake up the minute he cries. Some parent's might not think it appropriate but I do.

I don't baby-wear as I have problems with my joints and the extra weight hurts my pelvis, but he's almost always with me, and I try to stay where he can see me.

I tried breastfeeding but he is now much happier on formula. He had three months of breastfeeding and he still has one breastfeed at night time but his reflus has improved since being on SMA Staydown. I'm gutted I can't feed him anymore, as I loved it.

When it comes to crying, if I know he's well fed, burped, not got a dirty nappy, at the right temperature - I'll let him whinge for a while. I'll pick him up if he cries properly and give him a cuddle but if he's crying because he's tired, he will settle himself.

I was advised to start traditional weaning at 17 weeks by my GP. I'm unsure about this, I'm going to follow baby's lead. If his weight is fine and he's reflux settles, I'll wait a little longer. He already takes 7oz bottles for hourly, if his milk intake is huge by then, I might try weaning, but if he's happy, I'll leave him until he needs more.

I don't think any of this makes me a better or worse mother than anybody else. I know what's best for my child but it might not be the same for somebody else's baby. He's happy, healthy and thriving, and most importantly, loved by his parents.

Thinking twice before judging other's parenting...
xxx

I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning...

BB has been sleeping well in his cot for the last two nights, but last night he was unsettled again. Not as bad as before but enough to for me to put him back in his Moses basket in my bedroom. So not a brilliant night.
Then I got a poke from DB at 6.30am. He started a new job yesterday and now it looks like I have to get up early too! Even BB wasn't up yet!! So I stumbled out of bed, ironed him a shirt and made his sandwiches (if I was organized I'd do this the night before but I'm not) and collapsed on the sofa. Then BB woke up.
So I fed him, changed him, played with him, made bottles, put him down for his nap, tidyed up...
And remembered it was Tuesday and the HV clinic is on. So I got us both washed and dressed, got about ten minutes up the road and remembered I'd forgotten my blue book. So back I went.
Second attempt. Remembered HV clinic had moved, so grabbed the leaflet with the address and tried again.
Third attempt. Spent half an hour trying to find the bloody place. Couldn't find it anywhere, so came back home.

Am now taking BB back to bed for a nap.

Arghh!!
xxx

What an Awful Night!

Over the past few days I've had to fight BB to sleep, it's been horrible. I put him down at 6.30/7 depending on when he's tired and he'll fuss and moan for an hour or so. Last night I put him down at seven because he was visibly tired... at 12am I was still fighting him. It was ridiculous.
I swaddled him.
Cuddled him
Fed him
Massaged him
Rocked him
Patted him
Changed him

And eventually I took him in bed with me and after 10 minutes of tossing and turning he settled and slept. Until 3am when he had his feed and then started fussing and took a while to go back to sleep again! Why did it have to happen on a night when DB was working until 5am?

He just cried and cried no matter what I did! I noticed when I changed his bum that his poo was like maltesers and rolled out of his nappy :s Gaviscon has been making him so constipated but if I took him off it he just vomits constantly. So I went out and bought SMA Staydown so I can take him off of Gaviscon and he's actually been much better than usual. (And has done an enormous poo hehe)

I've kept him awake a fair bit today and although he fussed for about ten minutes, he's gone down (thank god!)

Hopefully the SMA will do well for him and he's stopped this awful night crying!
xxx

OMG I HAVE A BABY!!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Okay, so I know how it happened, the birds and the bees (or the lack on contraception) and all that, but I've just realized I'm a parent!

It might be a bit late... You might think I'm incredibly slow. But I'm actually really stunned right now.

My epiphany happened the other morning when BB flatly refused to nap until he was so overtired he just wanted to scream. So I took him out in his pram... In my pajamas. I really don't care, I just wanted BB to sleep. And I saw this heavily pregnant woman waddling along, and I thought 'wow, she looks beautiful'. And it hit me, I had a big bump like that. I completely lost the ability to walk without looking like I had a watermelon between my legs. I actually gave birth. I have a baby, who is going to crawl, and walk, and talk, and go to nursery and school and college and university and get a job. Somebody who is entirely dependant on me, and loves me and is my entire world!

And although between nappy changes and feeds and playtime and the lack of sleep, it seems like I've been doing this forever and I don't actually remember being pregnant all that much. I wish I'd treasured it, instead of wishing it was over and the baby was here. I wish I'd enjoyed the sleep and the lazy days in bed and feeling my baby roll over in my tummy.

And it made me realize....

I'M SOOOO BROODY!

Now every bump I see sets off this uncontrollable urge to breed. I want it all again, I want to cry at my scans and pick out cute baby things that are completely pointless and wonder which day is going to be 'the day'.

Apparently I forget, for that moment, the heartburn, piles, stretchmarks, small bladder, and having to push a huge baby out of a stupidly small orifice.

Wishing DB would let her have another one
xxx

Reflux Battles pt II

I spoke to my Health Visitor about Baby Bear's reflux, and that he seemed worse with breastmilk rather than formula (It was literally coming straight back up). I am reluctant to stop breastfeeding so she advised combo feeding as he won't take Gaviscon after a breast but will take it in formula. So I started alternating feeds, breast at one then formula the next, and making sure he was well winded and propped him up with pillows after each feed so he was kept still and upright. This worked well for a few days until I woke up one morning, gave him a breast, sat him up to burp him and the whole thing came back up. Then three hours later, I gave him formula with Gaviscon, and that came back up too. He's been awfully sick during the night feeds too, so I phoned the GP and got an appointment. He agreed that the Gaviscon has stopped working and he needs Ranitadine (sp?). If that doesn't work within a week, then he needs to see a dietician. Poor little thing :(

He does seem happy enough though, he's still his happy smily self, just incredibly messy! I've never done so much washing in my life!!

Worried about my Sicky Bear
xxx