I fell off of the fluffy wagon :-(

So it appear I still have no immune system whatsoever and have been consistently ill since squishy bear was born. Coughs, colds and d&v (lush, I know) have become part of my life. Add to that a 19 month old tornado who needs three meals a day, two bottles of milk, bum changes and constant entertaining, an 11 week old baby who feeds on demand through the day, also needing nappy changes and my attention, the fact that I am on my own in the evenings when they both need bathing, feeding and putting to bed, plus cooking decent dinners, three regular playgroups a week plus doing bits for the local nappy library, my housework has become a little slack. We don't live in a pigsty by any means, nor is it a health hazard, but I am drowning in housework! I underestimated how much washing comes with a family of four. And how many dishes need washing. And beds made. And nappies washed. And the list goes on.

So anyway, my mother comes round on a rainy Monday, and takes one look around my flat. She sees the crumbs in the floor... The unmade beds... Dishes that needs washing from breakfast and lunch... The three loads of clean washing that needs folding and putting away...The boys in sposies because I was so behind on washing... (sob!)
And there I was being impressed that despite dying from a horrendous cold we were all dressed, clean (well the boys were, I was a usual mess of greasy hair, baby sick and porridge) and fed! Oh well, can't please 'em all!

All I want for Christmas is a decent immune system. And some more nappies. And a new sling. And a cleaner... Maybe a chef....,,

Fluffaholics Anonymous

My name is Mummy Bear and I have a *slight* fluff addiction.
There is little that gives me more pleasure than a massive fluffy bottom.
I find myself stalking big bottomed babies at playgroup and wondering it they're wearing cloth.
I've actually had dreams about buying nappies. And woken up disappointed that I don't actually own them.

I'm not even monogamous to a brand, I'm a complete brand slut. Bumgenius, Tots Bots, Motherease, Onelife, Tiny Nippers, Alva, Cotton Bottoms, Blueberry, Bambooty, Rumparooz, Little Lambs... I don't even think that's an exhaustive list. And I still have a wishlist of brands I want to try! Gah!

Is it bad that part of me wants to go back to work so I can afford more? I haven't bought anymore since I've been on Statutory Maternity Pay. Actually that's a lie, I bought two more Bamboozle Stretchies. But they were preloved and I sold squishes Teenyfits for them. See? It's an addiction - I feel I have to justify buying.

Squishy Bear is full time fluffy bottomed. He doesn't wear fancy brands, it's generally Motherease Sandy's or prefolds in the day and Onelife Onesize at night. We don't get leaks very often (unless I haven't put the wrap on very well!) and my only issue has been clothes. He's a big boy anyway, 12lb 12oz at 7 weeks and pretty much at the end of 0-3 months clothes and therefore the clothes are pinching his nappies and wicking. My mother (who is not a cloth convert, she has a nasty habit of changing BB into a sposie as soon as he gets to her house) tried to put a pair of jeans over a Sandy and a motherease wrap and failed. So he pretty much lives in babygrows. Easy, comfy, and he's warm in the sling with a hoody and some booties on.

Baby Bear however wears sposies to bed at night. But we ran out the other day and I put him in a Tots Bots Bamboozle Stretch, two bamboo velour boosters and a flip insert with a Blueberry Coverall and a fleece sleepsuit. Watching him walk down the hallway like John Wayne was enough to make me fall off the loo laughing. He kept squatting to inspect his bottom and was quite befuddled at the size of it. Daddy Bear wasn't convinced at all. But it worked! The nappy was completely saturated but my fears of him waking up in a puddle of urine were unfounded. And the next night a similar combination worked again, but he's poorly and an unfortunately timed poo meant he woke up with a sore bum :(
I'll try again when its healed.

For now I'm just staying away from the preloved pages...

7 weeks on...

Yes, it really has been 7 weeks already. 7 weeks of broken sleep, a teething cheeky toddler and snapping at Daddy Bear. 7 weeks of squishy newborn cuddles, first smiles and watching my boys bond.
I could tell you it's easy, that its a breeze, that life is perfect.

But I'd be lying.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world. When people ask me if I wish I'd waited longer before having another, the answer honestly is no. When Baby Bear wakes up in the morning, the first thing he wants is his brother. He runs into the living room, excited, and climbs on the sofa next to his brother with a huge smile on his face. Yes, I have to watch him because he does get overexcited and try to lay on him for a cuddle and has sat on him twice, but it's truly wonderful to see. Those are the moments I know I did the right thing.

Squishy Bear is a lovely baby. He's very placid, loves a cuddle and is quite happy to watch the lunatic that is my eldest son run around like a hurricane. I've chosen a more natural approach to parenting this time round and have discovered that apparently everybody gets a say in how you bring up your children.
'Cloth nappies are more trouble than their worth' - Really? Because both of my boys wear them, and it's pretty much just throwing them in the wash every other day.
'He's constantly attached to you' - If you can work out a better way of getting him to take a nap, be my guest. I can't spend ages settling him to sleep, I don't have the time. If I go into my bedroom and put him in the crib, BB comes running in and whispers 'shh, he's seeping. NUNIGHT!!!' Before pottering around my bedroom picking things up and generally just making lots of noise. I can't shut the door and leave a 19 month old unattended, and SB can't settle in the bouncy chair with the TV on and his brother making noise. So he sleeps in the sling. Big deal!
'Breastfeeding him will just make him a mummy's boy'  - have you seen my other son? He was breastfeed (not for as long as I'd have liked) and I have a hard time getting a glance in my direction, let alone a cuddle!
 'You'll never get him out of your bed if you don't do it now' - Rubbish. I'm pretty sure he won't be a teenager and still sleeping next to me. He's been in my bed since the day he was born and I love it. He slept all night in his crib this week and I really missed him but if he happily settles in there then I leave him but if he needs to be close to me I pop him in with me.

I can't wait to see what my family says when I get their amber necklaces.

He's Here!

I did it!
Again!!
I survived the first week!!!

I am officially a mother of two under two.
Of two under the age of 18 months, actually.
God help me.

Yes, my second blue bundle arrived safe and sound at 39+5 on the 10th of September weighing in at 8lb 9oz, blue eyed and dark haired just like his brother. And how has his brother taken it?

Well, given the circumstances.

The first meeting:

'Baby Bear, look come and meet Squidgy Bear!'
'No.' He shook his head, and continued pushing his car around the living room.
Five minutes later.
'BB, look it's a baby!'
'Yes, baby.'
That was as much interest as he had, before he went to stay with my MIL for the night. The next meeting had a similar reaction, to be fair, and his interest didn't really grow until he was permanently home. Luckily, I have lots of lovely bear relatives who were keeping BB overnight and bringing him back home during the day to see us, but he's home 24/7 now and has worked out that Squidgy Bear is here to stay now.
Which is fine, he's actually fallen in love with him over the past two days, he likes to lay his head on top of him and say aww, and stroke and pat his head (it's meant to be loving but he does need reminding to be gentle...) and if I'm having a cuddle he pulls SB's arms because he wants him on his lap!
The only issue we have is if SB cries (which isn't all that often he's very content so far) BB will scream at the top of his lungs, pull at his ears and cry. He thinks I'm hurting him. And he will pinch me and pull me and cry 'Mum' until I show him what I'm doing and that I'm really not hurting his brother!

I can hear him shouting for me now, in fact so I shall go and get him up for the day,
Ciao for now!

Mama Bear of two
xxx

five weeks and couting...

35 weeks today! and waddling awkwardly around awkwardly after a 16 month old Baby Bear who is becoming increasingly challenging...

He can run... fast. He can screech at the top of his voice and does so when he wakes up, when he's tired, when I'm taking too long to sort his food, when I say no, etc etc.

But he is very cute. I woke yesterday morning (to screaming) and when I went into the room I received a beautiful beaming smile and the words, "Morning mummy. Biscuit?"

Yes. he strings words together, and is amazingly vocal. He can repeat most words (note to self, stop swearing) and uses a lot of words in context. That sentence came out as 'moooornin mummeee. Biskeet?' but its very obvious what he's saying most of the time, or at least what he's after. For instance, when he received said biscuit, and ran to me smiling cheekily. 'Guppatee? Dip-dip?'
which translates as 'you appear to have a cup of tea, can I dip my biscuit?' He is funny.

I'm starting to get really tired though, and I try my hardest not to snap at him. It's not his fault I'm pregnant. It's not his fault I have awful SPD and Daddy Bear works evenings so at bedtime I have no tolerance for him when he doesn't want to bath or go to bed, and that I can' take him to the park to play because I can't walk that far. I'm finally starting to accept help - if a member of my family offers to take him out for the day, I do say yes, so he gets a good day. Even if I feel bad about it...

On a brighter note, I love having a fluffy bummed little boy! I'm struggling with absorbancy issues at the minute, my Close Parent pop-ins are lasting 2.5 hours max, even with a bamboo booster, the Blueberry one-size pocket with a hemp insert was soaked and leaking through after 2 hours today and my massively boosted eBay cheapies aren't doing much better (so he looks like Beyonce but still not lasting very long...) I stripped them all with a dishwasher tablet and they're a bit better but I think I need more absorbent boosters. And more nappies...

I've ordered some Tots Bots Bamboozle Stretchies, some Little Lamb Bamboos, a Tots Bots easyfit, and Itti Bitti Tutto and some Blueberry wraps to give other nappies a go, hopefully I find something that works better for us.

Eagerly awaiting fluffy post!
xxx

It's Time to Get Fluffy...

So there are things I did with BB that I won't be doing this time round.
-Listening to other people's advice without thinking about what I wanted
-Moving him into his own room early
-Trying to put him down a lot
- Having constant visitors in the first few weeks
- Not accepting help
- Not doing what I wanted to do because other people said it wouldn't work
And it goes on....

My biggest regrets would be stopping breastfeeding too early and not cloth nappying.

I'm not going to put massive pressure on myself to breastfeed for a set amount of time, I just know I want to go for as long as we are both happy, however long that may be (despite DB's objections that they are 'his' boobies.... ) I'd love to breastfeed for a year+, but let's see how it goes!

And using cloth. I told everybody I wanted to use cloth when I was pregnant with BB. Had I done as I'd wanted and not listened to my mother/mother-in-law etc about how much hard work it was, I would be laughing. I'd have a full set of cloth nappies by now which I could use for Little Bear, and would have had a lot more disposable income for pretty ones!

So I'm slowly building up my stash, which includes so far
2 Newborn Bumgenius
1 Newborn Bambooty
1 Newborn Tiny Nipper
2 Size 1 Little Lamb microfibre
2 Small Motherease Sandys
3 Various small wraps
3 close-parent pop ins
1 blueberry one-size pocket
2 cheapy pockets
and a bundle of boosters

which sounds like a lot, but it isn't enough! Because I'm moving BB over to cloth as soon as I've got some more. I'm going to have a trial cloth day next week and if we get on with a particular brand, get some more.]

I must say, seeing all my fluff drying on the airer makes me excited! But is a dangerous addiction... I dream about nappies, spend most of my day shopping for nappies or talking about nappies or trying to convince DB we need two matching custom nappies for the boys! I can't wait until next payday - I NEED MORE FLUFF!!!!!!

Got my way in the end!

Just call me Hunchback...

My pelvis has given up the ghost.
It literally has turned around, and said 'you know what? you were the one who fell pregnant again despite the issues we had last pregnancy, and I'm fed up with being the only one working in this relationship.'
And I'm the one left to pick up the pieces. Or not, as the case may be.

I have constant, unrelenting pain in the bottom of my back, whether I'm sitting, standing or lying down. 95% of the time this pain also travels down my right leg every few seconds if there's any weight on my leg, meaning I walk with a limp and have to sit on one ass cheek. If I've been sitting down for a while and have to get up to walk, I look like a 90 year old as I can't fully straighten up and the limp is even worse.
I also have intermittant searing pain through my pubic bone which feels like someone is poking a hot needle through it. The more I walk, the worse the limp gets. If I go to baby group in the mornings, my limp is not too bad. If I also need to run errands in the afternoon, by the time it's that time when BB needs putting to bed, I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and I can't lift him without being in agony.

Now I have good days. Days when I can get everything done and at nighttime I am still mobile enough and in a reasonable amount of pain. By they are becoming few and far between.
My ten and a half hour shifts, of which I have to walk a lot and be on my feet, are becoming impossible. Three times I've had to leave early because the pain gets so intense I want to vomit, or I simply can't move. I went to my GP, who referred me for physio but I need him to sign me onto light duties and he won't. He's saying I need to keep active or it will get worse.
Er, yeah. I've got a fourteen month old too? He keeps me active enough.
So I go to my manager who offers four short shifts rather than three long ones. I can't do that because of childcare.
So she offers for me not to do late shifts. You think I want to work until 10pm? Those I also do because of childcare.
I tell her I need to do a job where I'm not on my feet all day...

And she tells me I need a letter from my GP.

Kill me now...

13 Months on....

Baby Bear is growing up. *Cue welling eyes and wobbly voice*

I say this watching him climb onto my sofa, throw off alll off the pillows into a pile on the floor, stand up... and catapult himself onto the pillows before giggling for about ten minutes. He walks, runs, chatters endlessly and is very clear about what he wants.
For example....

The other morning I am roused from my bed by a chant of 'mum? mama? mama?' I open the door to his bedroom and am greeting with a great beaming smile to the chorus of 'peepo!' So he puts his arms up to be lifted out of the cot, and I stand him in the floor. He looks around for a second, before pointed to a stray dummy on the floor. 'doo-doo?' I pass it to him and he takes it happily, holding it in one hand. 'teddy?' teddy is also passed over. 'ta.' He grins, before walking off into the living room.

Oh dear. I think I have a bossy one.

He's just an absolute riot to watch! If he falls (which he does regularly) providing he hasn't hurt himself, it is followed by a shout of 'up!' If you ask if he is hungry, he shouts yes! before leading you to the kitchen. he also lifts my top, strokes my growing belly and says 'ahh, baby'.

However...
His tastes change daily. One day he will eat grapes, the next they are sucked quickly before throwing them on the floor. He loses interest in toast at least once a week. He refuses any sort of dried fruit (unless yoghurt or chocolate coated) he will eat weetabix but not porridge unless there is fruit and honey in it. And he very clearly tells me the word 'no' if he doesn't want to eat it.

Telling him no can result in meltdowns of fake crying, laying on the floor or stamping his feet. Pulling him away from something dangerous is like telling him the worold is ending. And taking the piece of fluffy toast out of his mouth that he'd found behind the highchair is like slapping him around the face.
He does know if he's eating somethign he shouldn't, as if i hold out my hand he will spit it out. Also, if he picks up somethign naughty, like my phone or the stones out of my fake fireplace, he runs over giggling to give them to me.

I look forward to watching him grow!
xxx

Had my 20 week scan - I'm Team.....

Blue!!!!!!!

Haha, I knew it! Baby is perfect, absolutely on cloud 9. He's still lazy, was sat with his feet on top to his head (The exact same position Baby Bear was in at his 20 week scan), having a snooze. He woke up after being poked at, all of his organs were fine, spine was lovely, then he uncurled from his ball, had a stretch and she zoomed in on his face so I could see him having a drink!! It was amazing. She then moved around to the bottom half, where his bits were very clearly displayed on the screen...

Sonographer: There it is!
Me: Oh wow!
Daddy Bear: What is it? Is it a boy?
Sonographer: ... Yes.
DB: Where's his willy?
Sonographer: (Pointing) Leg, leg, testicle, testicle, penis.
DB: Oh yeah.
Nanny Bear: How the hell did you miss that?

But once DB finally spotted the penis that was on show, right in the middle of the screen, he was beaming.
We are both so excited!

I must say though, a large amount of people have asked me if I'm disappointed, or am going to try again for a girl... No. I'm happy with my boys :)

My little Baby Bear is so loving, and independant and playful. He loves being thrown about and tickled and playing rough. He is a bit mad, he will quite happily run around the house at full speed holding a car like its the best thing in the world. He will run away if he sees you get a nappy. But he's the same boy who climbs onto my lap with a book for a cuddle, and kisses me until I'm covered in dribble, and feeds me bits of half chewed food with love.

On cloud 9
xxx

I'm so having another boy...

I don't mind what I have to be honest. I'd love to have one of each, but another boy will be just as much fun.

But I know of know I'm having another boy. I can feel it. This pregnancy is like groundhog day.

Symptoms from last time I have again?
*No morning sickness
*Zero first tri symtoms other than sore boobies
*Low bump
*Craving for ice cubes
*Loving the taste of water
*Being so obsessed with the smell of my clean washing I want to roll in the damp yumminess
*Sucking flannels

I think there was more. But could my pregnancy be any more identical to the last? Seriously?
Hopefully my bullying of Daddy Bear will convince him we need to know next week at my scan as he currently doesn't want to know. Because he 'knows' it's another boy. Apparently, he's such a man, he can only make men...

If I'm having a girl I will eat my words...

The Very Hungry First Birthday Party

So, on the 30th of March, my beautiful boy turned one.

I'd spent two whole days and a ridiculous amount of money making his cake.

Countless hours making food, searching the internet for ideas for presents and party ideas.

And lost hours of sleep thinking about the big day.

I know he won't remember. And I know he didn't have a clue what was going on. But I had a good day!

He woke up to a small pile of presents in a ball pit, which he proceeded to throw out and bury himself in the balls, and got very excited. He then ran around like a loon before collapsing with Daddy Bear in front of Peppa Pig. Then, I went off to Nanny Bear's, where I was holding his party as my house is tiny, and made lots of party food which was placed around The Cake.

The Cake was made with my own blood sweat and tears. It was a two-tiered affair, with white fondant icing and a Very Hungry Caterpillar wiggling around the outside. And I must say, I am very proud of my efforts. But I am not making another cake as long as I live. Bloody thing.

Then the famiyl arrived. And I was thrown so many presents I have no idea what came from whom... and then Lucas started to cry. he threw his milk on the floor, refused all food he was given and wouldn't let anybody hold him. Anybody else thinking naptime for the birthday boy?

Anyway, after a nap he blew out his candles (or I did) and people started leaving.

It went so fast I almost regretted spending that much time on it! But he had a lovely day and conked out for about 14 hours straight that night!

Lady with a Baby

Okay, so after my freak-out that there was no baby...

There is a baby! Due to arrive on the 12th of September 2012, making me 13+2 today. My little bean was fast asleep, upside down, an angel whilst the sonographer measured everything, had a little wiggle and turned the right way up, kicking legs a little before going back to sleep. I'm so happy to know everything is okay!

Just a little disappointed that the sonographer only gave me two pictures and made no effort to make them clear just two blurry pics and sent me on my way... I got five lovely ones last time!

Anyway, should be working so shall carry on haha
xxx

Okay, so you probably think my mother murdered me...

Sorry guys, sleeping constantly means not a lot of time for blogging! I think DB is a bit fed up with me going to bed at 9 by the latest. Napping with BB does makes the days more bearable, but working until 10pm three days a week is killing me. I'm a zombie by 8 o'clock and I tend to stare at the computer screen aimlessly until somebody notices I'm not actually working....

So, my mother didn't murder me. In fact, she wasn't to bad at all! Took her a feww days to get her head around it, but she took us double pram shopping yesterday. I've had my heart set on the iCandy Peach Blossom for a few weeks, but DB wanted to see it before we made a decision. We got to the pram shop, and the sales assistant took one look at the size of BB and said it wasn't a good idea. He's a big tall baby, and the Peach Blossom seats are fairly small. My mum didn't like one baby being under the other either. Looking at my downcast face, the sales assistant said their other branch specialised in doubles. So off we went, and wondered around the other shop. I liked the Baby Jogger City Select, DB didn't. I liked the Phil & Teds Promenade, DB said it was to bulky. I'd just about given up when the lady asked if I wanted to see the Bugaboo room. Surprisingly, DB said yes. And there it was. The Bugaboo donkey. All shiny and new. I kept quiet, and let the lady answer all of DB's questions, and demonstrate the millions of things it did (she must have wanted to kill us) and DB looked very excited. He pushed it around, put BB in it and then looked to me. I knew I'd gotten my way.
We're going to put a deposit on it on payday. I want it now :(

And even better news...

Baby Bear took his first steps yesterday!!!!!!!!
He was pestering DB for a bit of his sandwich, heard me open my milkybar and took four steps over to get a bit! Of course I let him have some then!!!!! Only my son would walk for chocolate. I was a sap as well, I cried. I blame it on hormones....

My scan is on Friday. I'm slightly apprehensive, have managed to convince myself there's no baby in there. I am just excited to hear that my baby is healthy, so I can stopped worrying.

Very happy Mummy Bear
xxx

Arghh!

Just a very quick update.

So I swallowed my fear and texted my mother. (This is how I told her last time as I am too chickenshit to tell her face to face)

Only it was half an hour ago.

And she hasn't replied.

My dad did - my dad was amazing about it, said he was really happy for us :D

But my mum still hasn't...

Panicking now.

If I don't update you within a week...
She has killed me....

Telling the mother....

So my mother doesn't actually know I'm pregnant. To be fair, nobody really does! It's funny how much this pregnancy differs from the first! Last time I was shouting it from the roof... This time I'm even more frightened of telling my mother I'm having another one. After countless warnings and threats to not have another child for at least ten years. Oops! Though to be fair, I didn't actually plan to have another for at least like... three years.

I may have begged OH for a baby when I saw pictures of Facebook of pretty newborns... and joked about a small age gap...

BUT I WASN'T BLOODY SERIOUS!

But that's the way the cookie crumbles. And I'm very happy about Beany.

In fact, I got my NT scan date through, and I'm pretty buzzed. Except I'm already 9 weeks pregnant... And I haven't even told my own mother. Because she's going to shout at me.

Am I really mature enough to have two kids if I'm worried about my mother telling me off?

On the other hand, BB has got over the god-awful virus that made him a demon child. He's been STTN (despite now waking at 6.30 am like he has a bloody alarm clock) and he's less whingy. Still snotty though, and seems to have developed a liking for wiping his nose on my clothes or in my hair - nice huh? Yummy.

Thinking about hiding until Beany is here...
xxx

I Need a Week of Sleep...

OK, yeah, I suffered with the ol' first tri exhaustion last time... except I didn't have a baby to look after, a house to clean, three ten hours shifts a week, food shopping to do and a to-do list that's longer than my arm. I'm sat here, praying BB stops fighting his nap this morning so I can go back to sleep. I can't get enough of the stuff. I could happily stay in bed for a week, and I'd probably still need more.

And randomly, I got an awful case of nausea yesterday. Eight weeks into my pregnancy, thinking I'd gotten away with another pregnancy with no sickness, I got wave after wave of nausea. No actual vomiting but I think feeling sick is worse than being sick for me. I'm hoping it was because I didn't take enough food to work yesterday and I was just hungry...

BB has actually gone for a nap so I'm going to collapse for a bit.

Hoping for a miracle cure for tiredness
xxx

I'm only bloody pregnant again!

AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And I'm not joking, as my mother-in-law thought. After this baby is born I need some kind of super-strength, fail-safe contraception because this will be my last baby!! Part of me wants to hide in a hole and just stay there. Daddy Bear can looks after Baby Bear, I shall pop out Beany and all will be well in the world. The reality? I'm going to have an 18 month old baby and a newborn. I have to run around after a toddler, pregnant. As melancholy as I sound, I am actually happy about it. I'm fine now the initial shock has worn off. I'm just really bloody tired - to the point I want to go back to sleep pretty much after Baby Bear has gone to bed.

I had my first antenatal appointment yesterday. My GP thought it was very amusing to see me back again so soon! He put me at 6+5, which I agree with, but gave me a due date of the 15th September, just to give a few days leeway apparently... Except I make my due date the 13th. Oh well, the scan will say for sure! I'm not a huge fan of Dr Arsehole anyway, I always get the feeling he doesn't entirely know what he's doing. Last pregnancy he tried to give me Trimethoprim in the first tri, and it was me who told him I wasn't allowed it. And when I went for my six week check I was telling him about Baby Bear vomiting, and he said 'So do you think it's reflux then?' Er, I was kind of hoping you'd tell me? Being a doctor and all...

The big difference between this pregnancy and the last though is I was wishign the last pregnancy away, just wanting my baby. This one I'm hoping slows down so I can enjoy my time with BB!! I still haven't had any morning sickness, just nausea and heartburn. My boobs are sore but not unbearable, and I'm exhausted all the time. Pretty much the same as last time.

Praying BB sleeps through the time soon!!!!!
xxx