How could you be angry at this face?

I officially need eyes in the back of my head. My child was born with a radar that senses anything he is not allowed. I could put him in a padded room full of toys and he would find a way to hurt himself. In the past week, he has pulled a kitchen chair onto his face and gotten a black eye, been pushed over by another baby and gotten a nice egg on the back of his head, tried to walk between one piece of furniture and another, fallen and hit his nose on the corner and somehow (he was with his daddy and grandma and they have no idea) got a nasty cut on the back of his head.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a helmet for him soon.

He can pull himself up on anything (and I mean anything - my legs, the walls, kitchen cupboards) which means unless it's up really high, nothing is safe! He's changed settings on my Sky box, dribbled into the speaker on my iPhone, pulled all of my books off of the book shelf, all of the fake stones out of my fake fire, the list is endless. His nickname is Destructo-boy!

The other day, I left the room for two damn seconds and he'd destroyed my newspaper (and eaten chunks of it) and ripped up my post.

Desperately trying to hide anything valuable
xxx