More breastfeeding battles

I naively thought that breastfeeding was the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

With BB, I gave up after lack of support and supply issues made me feel like a failure.

With SB, I had wonderful support from a Breastfeeding Support Worker, The Breastfeeding Network and lovely mummies on Facebook groups.

With them, I have battled through a tongue tie, a lip tie, colic, having a needy baby and a young toddler and hard night after hard night.

But 10 months on, we still have issues.

Feeding an older baby comes with it's own stack of problems.

• Teething. He doesn't latch on properly when he's teething, so grumpy baby aside we have to struggle with oversupply issues, windy tummy and a sicky baby.
• Biting. Usually comes hand-in hand with teething, but with three sharp teeth, it's enough to bring tears to my eyes. He bites when his gums hurt, he bites when I offer milk and he doesn't want it, he bites when he's tired. If it's a cheeky bite, I take him off and pop him on the floor, but when he's tired and miserable I don't want to upset him more so I tend to ignore it.
• Distraction. A noisy two year old makes for difficult feeding! SB is more interested in watching BB running around than feeding. and if he is interested in booby, BB thinks it's hilarious to blow raspberries on his tummy, or tickle him, or get impatient because he wants to play with his brother and try and pull him off, because he's helpful like that.
• Judging. I got enough weird looks feeding a smaller baby, apparently feeding a 10 month old is past the limits of normal social behaviour...
• Nursing strikes. SB has recently gotten over tonsillitis, a scary time when he refused booby or bottle completely for three days, took tiny sips of water and refused to eat. He's only just getting back into the swing of feeding again, and it took 24 hours of constant feeding to get my supply back up.

But it's not all bad, don't let me put you off! Even with all of our battles, I still love feeding him. There's nothing like looking down into his eyes and him putting a pudgy hand on my face while he's feeding. I still get rushes of hormones when he has sleepy boob cuddles, and then drops off full and milk drunk.
We have no immediate plans to give up, despite the weird looks, I will give up when it is time for both of us, not when anybody else thinks it's time. I'm hoping it will get to a point where he chooses to wean himself, but we will see how it goes. We've fed on buses, boats and the tube, in taxis and cars leaning over his car seat, in aquariums, restaurants, and walking around the market in the sling. It suits us, and that's all that matters.

Breastfeeding at work...

I went back to work when Jacob was 6 months with plans of feeding him expressed breast milk during the day and breastfeeding as normal at home. Except the weeks coming up to my return were filled up with moving house instead of pumping milk and filling up my freezer so I was completely unprepared!

Then I started my new job, and turned into a shy five year old when I met my new (male) manager and couldn't find the courage to ask for the facilities to pump at work. I know, it's really stupid.
So I began combination feeding.

Squish has god knows how many feeds in the mornings and evenings when I'm at home with him and three 4oz bottles of formula at nursery. Not that he even finishes them, he has about 10 oz max all day! Plus his normal meals and water.

This worked fine. Until they announced a rolling rota. And every 12 weeks I have to work 12-8pm. This messes with my pattern as I can't feed when I get home as DB has already picked the boys up and put them to bed! Add into that the fact that SB chose this week of all weeks to sleep through the night, and you have two very sore, very swollen boobies and one growly Mummy Bear.

So I tiptoed into my manager's office, and took a deep breath...

And told him I was struggling with the new shifts, explained that I was still breastfeeding and having a few issues with it, and that I knew that I had rights but I wanted a solution that worked for everybody.

He was quiet for a few moments and looked a bit embarrassed, but just as I was about to flee, leaving a trail of breastmilk behind me... He said he didn't see why as my son was at the onsite nursery I couldn't go and feed him in the evenings, or have the time to pump if I needed it.


YAYYYYY!!!
Score for mummy. Extra milky cuddles with the babe AND no sore boobies/waking up drowning in puddles of my own breastmilk.

So, my message to you lovelies will be - don't be afraid to ask! You do have rights ( Continuing to breastfeed on return to work - Maternity Action ), it might not be the solution you wanted (really I would love to not do late shifts at all!) but do ask, don't suffer in silence like I did. I'm just glad my breastfeeding journey has overcome another hurdle and I can continue.

xxx

Being A New Mummy

My body's ability to irritate me surprises me no end. I bled for six weeks post-partum, which in my eyes is a ridiculous amount of time and I should have taken out stock shares in Always. So I had my first bath with Baby Bear, and absolutely loved it. He snuggled into me and smiled whilst splashing about. I awoke this morning with a back ache.
Not surprising, I walked ridiculous amounts yesterday.
Then had a crampy tummy this morning.
Okay, maybe that chicken did look a bit suspect last night.
It took me hours to realize it was menstrual cramps. Daddy Bear was a bit confused - he forgets it was around this time last year when I had my last period, I'm out of practice!!

It does explain why I keep crying when Baby Bear does I guess...
And the two empty tubs of Ben & Jerry's Coconutterly Fair...

I knew it would happen eventually, but I had TWO BLOODY DAYS OF FREEDOM!!
Two glorious days without a pad, and it came back. I hate my body sometimes. Not only do I have a belly that looks like a deflated balloon, boobies that are so engorged they are bigger than my head and greasy hair, I have a uterus with no consideration for my feelings.

On another note, after days of feeding on demand whilst Baby Bear had a growth spurt, he seems to have settled down now. I put him back on the feeding routine in the Gina Ford book - this I like, it was the nap times I couldn't get on with, and although he fights sleep it's nowhere near as bad and it's easier on both of us, thank god. I've reduced the amount he sleeps in the day, but he's still always fairly sleepy in the day and very grumpy if I keep him awake too long so I do let him sleep when he needs it.

So although I'm tired, and my belly hurts, I still love being a mummy. Every days is like trial and error, if one thing doesn't work for us I try not to punish myself, and adjust our routine accordingly. Eventually I'll find something that works for us both, and maybe one day in the not so distant future I'll get more than three hours at a time!

Waiting to give Baby Bear his dreamfeed before I go to bed myself!
xxx

I am one exhausted Mummy Bear

My little Bear is five weeks old today... and I have aged at least ten years since he was born. When asked if I wanted someone to look after him over night so I could go out, I said I'd rather have a full night's sleep!

I wonder if I brought it on myself by choosing to breastfeed - it's bloody hard and awkward at times, and I do see why a lot of women give it up... but I look down at him suckling away on my boob, holding onto it for dear life and staring up at me all content, and I know I love it really. This feeling however is usually during the day, not at night when he is feeding every two hours. I'm hoping this is a growth spurt, and he's cluster feeding to make up for it because I can't do this much longer!! I don't want to give it up though, I know it's best for him.

He's just gorgeous though, and I spend my days just staring at him. Between feeding, washing, changing, and trying to keep some semblance of order to my house, I don't really do much else, but that in it's self is ridiculously hard!

I must get back to being super mum right now, so I'll post better soon. I apologise for the slack posting by the way, my stupid internet broke.

Loving being a mummy
xxx