Time for wine?

I'm having one of THOSE mornings.

Where they both woke for no reason at 6.20am (I knew staying up and watching Grey's Anatomy until midnight was a bad idea. McDreamy I blame you.

This was after three wake ups in the night from small and one from big. Which woke small.

We got downstairs, and the moaning begins. Because they are tired. Maybe you should have stayed asleep then boys...
   
I fob them off with a cereal bar and orange juice so I can drink my coffee in peace. This lasts all of 90 seconds before again, the whining starts.
Cold coffee, yet again.

So I get them some breakfast, and put a load of washing on whilst they are eating.

Time to get dressed. Then realise I meant to put their pjs in the wash I'd already started. Balls.

Go into the kitchen to see if I can stop it and chuck their clothes in. No. Sigh.

Run upstairs to put them in wash basket. Come back down to find two soaked children who thought playing with juice was hilarious.

Back upstairs for clean clothes. More additions to the wash basket.

Small bumps his head. Lots of tears. Third bump in as many days, fabulous.

Now I'm writing this post whilst they are flopping all over me, moaning.

Is it bedtime yet?

Or at least time for wine?!

Christmas saga pt 1

So, I was stupid enough to have all these plans for Christmas.
Plans that involved craftiness, planning and organisation... I have failed.

Plan: make handmade christmas decorations with the boys.

Reality: two small bears who decided it was more fun to paint themselves than the paper. Salt dough decorations that still haven't quite gone hard, except the bits that got onto my sideboard and set lot concrete. We had more plans but my blood pressure wouldnt allow it and I decided to leave the crafts to nursery...

Plan: make Christmas gifts, I made Pinterest boards months ago, decided on fabrics, picked out patterns to make people lovely homemade presents.

Reality: smallest bear was the main flaw in this plan. I can't sew during the day as he is currently going through the limpet phase and screams if he does not have my full attention and is not being held. Also, he is a light sleeper (understatement- a mouse fart would wake that child) and my beastly old sewing machine sounds like a machine gun. Therefore, Christmas gifts would have to be bought.

Plan: after I realise the 15 month old flaw in my last plan, I decided to be organised and plan all of my christmas shopping. Clearly I hadn't learnt my lesson yet.

Reality: I don't know if you've been shopping with an almost 3 year old and a 15 month old. Particularly ones that hate shopping... It's enough to make a nun swear. 1st shopping outing, I bought 1 present and then spent 20 minutes chasing my screaming child around Boots with my other child wailing in the sling. The second attempt was slightly more fruitful, I managed to get them in a trolley, so no escaping, and got quite a bit. Until they irritated each other and began biting, pinching and hitting each other. I managed to distract them with food until we got to the tills and they screamed like banshees.

Now I've done 90% of my shopping online. I can't take one more failed outing. Also, it can be done during night feeds. Also I don't have to get anybody dressed/ bum changed/ out of the house. Bonus.

Next year, when I start pinning handprint Santa's, patterns for crayon rolls and recipes for Christmas cookies, bring me back here.

This feels like the end...

So, parenting is one of those things where you can make all these intricate plans, thinking you've thought of every possible curveball your kiddies might throw.

But if you're already a parent, you'll know it doesn't work that way.

Plan:

Breastfeed Jacob for 1 year.

Reality:

Get to 6 months, consider stopping because he still feeds like a newborn, figure it must get better, realize it doesn't, get to 12 months and plan to stop but SB decides he likes feeding and isn't going to stop without a fight any time soon. Sigh.

Plan:

Not have to move out of my two bedroom house, because youngest can be in with me for the first 6 months/until he sleeps through then go in with his brother.

Reality

End up hating said 2 bedroom house, baby still co-sleeping 14 months later, DB sleeping on the sofa most nights so he doesn't have to share a bed with the snoring fidgeting small person, who feeds constantly through the night and refuses to take a bottle to make it a bit easier on his poor mummy.

Plan:

Slowly wean baby off of the boob one feed at a time, until he gives up by himself

Reality:

Pah! SB cries for a feed when he's tired, grumpy, bored, if I'm getting changed and he sees them, if he has a cuddle and his mouth happens to be close to them, if I'm not paying attention to him.... The list goes on. He feeds whether he's hungry or not. He constantly pulls at my top or places my hand on my chest as a sign he wants feeding. He bites, pulls me around, flips about. I wanted to give up two months ago and I'm sad our journey isn't ending nicely. I currently can only feed him off of one boob as all the biting and pulling has torn my left nipple, and every time it dies out and starts to heal I forget, feed him and it all opens up again. ouch.


SB rules the roost. I'm tired. I miss having my hubby in my bed, and not having a toddler attached to my nipple for 3/4 of the night. I'm fed up with having people tell me he shouldn't still be feeding/waking up in the night etc etc.

I'm going to try night weaning, as this is my biggest issue. wish me luck

Autumn Update

Soo, I've been the world's laziest blogger. Bad mummy bear.

But let me update you on what's going on here - are you ready for this?

September

So this was a busy month. Squishy Bear, well, Not-so-Squishy Bear, turned one. I was lazy and didn't make a cake, but we had a lovely (hectic) family gathering that made me realise as much as I love my family the next birthday party will be in soft play or a hall. I can't handle having control of that many people at once! Running around making sure people had drinks and the kids weren't bored and that the conversation flowed and certain family members didn't sit next to other certain family members. I felt like I needed a bloody valium when everybody had gone home. Plus my two boys got stupidly excited that everybody was here, and there were presents everywhere... Needless to say when they left I put the two very overtired toddlers to bed and had a big fat glass of wine.

And who was it that said the tantrums started at 2? because Jacob wasn't listening. He has an awful temper. I'm talking diva-like on a Mariah Carey scale - throw myself on the floor, banging head, pinching, screeching diva, for taking away the potentially dangerous item he found/picking him up when he tried to bolt up the stairs/stopping him from falling/because I picked his brother up first instead of him... He's very laid back, affectionate, intelligent... but my god you will hear about it if you do something he doesn't like!

He started walking, after 6 months of cruising around the furniture and me encouraging him to let go, he got up and took some steps and that was it. He was walking. Within days he was barely crawling at all. Now he runs. Fast.

We've had a few words too!
-mumma
-daddy
-'dews' (juice)
- 'Bo' (ball)
- 'Dadas' (Thomas Tank)
- Peppa
- Nana
- Pappy
Very very cute. What's even more cute is him babbling wordlessly at BB and BB responding to him and chattering back.
'Yes, let's go get mumma. Do you want to hold my hand? No. Mummy, he wants a biscuit.'

October
After months of Lucas being dry during the day, and still battling with him over poos, we took him to the doctor. I wasn't sure if we would have a battle about me wanting him treated for constipation but he took me very seriously. I described BB's 'poo run' (running around the room, very flustered, holding his bottom, in tip-toes with straight legs and an arched back), and apparently this isn't just BB being odd, it's a classic sign of constipation. BB's issue is that despite the fact he is desperate to go, he will hold it and hold it until he has this enormously swollen, sore tummy that he can't bear for me to touch and when he finally does go (in a nappy, he's terrified of doing it anywhere else) it's so huge that it hurts him, which obviously sets off the whole cycle again. So I've started him on lactulose today, in the hope if I can get him going regularly and painlessly, he will stop being so frightened of going and do it on the toilet or potty.
Anyway. Enough poo talk.

That brings you up to speed on the Bear household!

xxx

Rumparooz One Size Pocket Review

A one size pocket nappy with two microfiber inserts, I only have one of these but they're super cute!

Fit 3/5
I find these nappies come up very small. I cannot get one around BB's waist, well I possibly could squeeze him into one but the rise is incredibly low. Even on SB, he wear them with the rise fully unpoppered, whereas other one size poppers he tends to be on the middle or even smallest rise settings. They're great around his tiny waist though, and fit his chubby thighs too. There's no hip snaps on these though so if they aren't in the right place (which is frequently on my super wriggly baby) we can get a bit of wing droop.

Absorbency 4/5
Although they have a microfiber inner, they are surprisingly thirsty. The two inserts are adjustable depending on which rise setting you have them on, and snap together too. They have 5 layers of microfiber which makes them quite thick and chunky compared to other microfiber inserts I have. They last about 3 hours, 4 sometimes! When I adjust the rise poppers on the inserts I do pop the bulky bit at the back or it really gapes around his tummy.

Containment 5/5
These nappies have a different sort of double gusset to most of the other I have, The fleece inside is gathered to make a gusset, and it is great for poo-catching.

Ease of use 4/5
Once you get your head around the multiple poppers on the inserts, these are a nice simple pocket nappy to use. Once stuffed, they're nice and easy nursery nappies.

Drying time 4/5
The microfiber inserts are slightly thicker than others, still quick drying but a little slower than some of our others.

Overall 4/5
These are brilliant nappies for smaller babies. They really contour to tiny bottoms and the double gusset is fantastic for runny breastfed poo. The fleecy inner is lovely and thick, and the inserts are quite thirsty, plus it comes in cute patterns!

To Have You In My Arms

To have you in my arms,
Against my beating heart,
Where I can keep you safe from harm,
And hold you safely here.

Your skin against mine,
Feel you relax against me,
Surely that must be a sign,
This is where you were meant to be.

I will always be here,
To kiss your hurt away,
I will always be near,
Just in case you need me.

Place your head upon my chest,
Your tiny hand around my finger,
Feel safe enough to rest,
I'll hold you here forever.

Close your eyes, my baby,
And let your dreams come now,
Let's dance upon the clouds maybe,
Anything is possible here.

Baking with Baby Bear

Baby Bear is a cake fiend.

I have no idea where he gets it from...

And since I've been off work and he's been at home with me instead of at nursery he has become increasingly hard to entertain. He has little interest in his toys and will stand by the front door pretty much from the moment he wakes up because he is so desperate to go out!

So, when him and SB were napping at the same time (a rarity in this house) I baked a batch of vanilla cupcakes, and made some icing for him to play with.

Mummy: Come on BB, it's time to wake up now angel.
BB: No. I'm sleeping. *rolls away from me*
M: BB, you've been asleep for ages, come downstairs with mummy.
BB: No.
M: Okay, well mummy has made cakes, so I guess I'd better go and eat them by myself.
BB: Cake? I'm coming too, mummy!

 

 

I just used a basic vanilla cupcake recipe, nothing fancy and took me five minutes to whip up. The icing was just icing sugar and water, he took a bit of guidance showing him how to drizzle it onto the cakes and then showing him how to sprinkle the hundreds and thousands on top but he really enjoyed it! It kept him occupied for ages, and although it was messy he had lots of fun!

 

 



 

 

This is the finished product! I wasn't allowed to take a picture until he'd tasted one, and he approved. Muchly. He also really enjoyed giving daddy, nanny and pappy one too!

 

 

 

 

This is happy cake face. It's much nicer than bored whiny face. 

 

Thinking of more new and exciting ideas to entertain my gorgeous boy!



Bumgenius V4 Review

These are pocket nappies from Bumgenius, I have two of them in Ribbit and Albert patterns, I fancy a few more though as I've recently found love for them! I have the popper version as I bought them once BB had already worked out how to undo velcro.

Fit - 4/5
Okay, so I can still fit these nappies on my 35lb rather large 2 year old as well as my fairly dinky 11 month old babe. SB is still on the middle rise poppers so he's got a long time left in them and BB is on the second to last poppers (although he rarely wears a nappy, these are one of the only ones that still fit) They wouldn't be my first choice for a dinky baby, they didn't fit SB until he was 3 months and they are quite wide between the legs so are quite bulky on a younger one. On an older babe though, they're perfect. The only thing is the lack of a hip snap means that sometimes we get 'hip-droop' which annoys the hell out of me. Also, the bigger of the two inserts (There's two, a newborn insert and the main one. Although I wouldn't advise just using the newborn insert, it wouldn't last long!) has a rise popper on if you have the outer snapped down - this is lovely but makes one end of the insert really bulky, and I have to put the bulky bit at the back or we get major tummy gape.

Absorbency - 3/5
These are microfibre inserts, so they're never going to be the most absorbent nappies, but they are good. BB and microfibre don't go well, so they don't last very long on him at all but SB gets about 3 hours out of them.

Containment - 2/5
No double gusset. No secondary poo catcher. Have had a number of stained vests for a Bumgenius poo. However, there is a flap at the top for the inserts which does catch the up the back bit!

Ease of use - 5/5
These are a brilliant nursery/daddy nappy. I stuff them as soon as they're dry, snap them onto the middle rise for SB before putting them away and all they have to do is put them on! Two poppers on each side, and boom, you're done.

Drying time - 5/5
Microfibre inserts = quick drying, perfect for winter.

Overall - 4/5
Lovely nappies. They fit well, they're easy to use, quick drying and come in cute colours. They're great for my nursery bag and one of the first nappy that DB picks out to put on the baby.

Close Parent Pop-in Dream Dri Review

These were the very first nappies I purchased! And I still love them. A birth-to-potty All in Two nappy with two snap in microfibre inserts.

Fit- 3/5
I found these nappies come up very small. They were too small for BB well before he was two, I could no longer get them around his waist! The rise was fine it really was just the waist that was too small. However, they were perfect when SB was a tiny bear, although quite bulky between the legs of a newborn, they do go very small. At 11 months and around 21lbs he's still on the middle rise, and there's still plenty of room around his waist as he's got a skinny belly, and they fit his chunky thighs too!

Absorbancy - 3/5
BB is a wee machine, and microfibre isn't great for him. I got an hour and a half-ish out of these nappies and fell out of love with them. They went to the bottom of my nappy pile and were used as poo nappies (Come on, everybody has a poo nappy, the one you use when you know a poo is coming!). However, I ended up loving them for SB, he's a moderate wetter and they last a good 3 hours on him with both boosters in.

Containment - 5/5
These nappies are BOMBPROOF. I have never had a pooplosion escape the iron-cast double gusset of a pop-in. There's a lip at the top of the nappies which catches any 'up-the-back' jobbies too! Although the inserts make for messy clean up if there it's weaning poo as it goes everywhere.

Ease of Use - 4/5
The first thing DB said on picking up this nappy was "WHY THE HELL IS THERE SO MANY POPPERS ON IT?!" It confused the hell out of him. However, if I put the inserts in (larger insert snaps into the waterproof outer, then small insert on top), and make sure it's snapped at the right rise, he can use them. I also use them as nursery nappies, the velcro makes it easy for them to use and I know they'll last a good while.

Drying time 5/5
These nappies are pretty much dry straight out of the washer! They literally take a few hours to air dry, so perfect for winter when you need nappies that will dry quickly.

Overall - 3.5/5
For SB they're really good, I get a good few hours out of them, they fit him perfectly and they're easy to wash and dry. For BB, they are too small for him and he outpees them, so depending on the age and how much your LO pees, theses may or may not be for you.

Bear cuddles make it all better

I'm having a bit of a crappy time at the minute.
I'm trying to roll with the punches but I'm finding it harder and harder to get up after every knock.
I was a silly mummy Bear and took myself off of my anti-depressants because I'm a stubborn arse and I don't like relying on them. And I thought I was coping. And now I find I'm getting overwhelmed. A lot. I thought I was okay, I really did, and now life is getting the better of me.

Even without all the rubbish stuff that's happened this week (I won't bore you with boring grown up stuff) I think when it gets to the point that normal daily life is getting on top of you and you can't get your thoughts in order because there's too much to think about and you cry because you feel like a failure, that maybe it's time to get help.

Don't get me wrong, my Bears are safe and happy. Mummy is a bit shouty but she feeds them, bathes them, plays with them, keeps them safe. But I panic when I look around and see that I haven't washed up for two days, or done a load of washing for five days (it's okay, the boys have lots of clothes), I need to pack the nursery bags and make lunches, and BB has decided he doesn't want to go to bed and my overtired baby can't fall asleep without being on and off my boob for hours and Daddy Bear isn't home and I haven't eaten since lunchtime yet alone thought about cooking mine and DB's tea, and I was up at 5.20 then worked a full day so I'M BLOODY EXHAUSTED AND JUST WANT TO CURL INTO A BALL AND CRY.

Yeah. That.

I think it's time to get help.

I have calmed down tonight. My mum has taken BB for the night, I've told work I'm not coming in to work at the moment (As I fear I may have a breakdown, given that I nipped in to get something today and cried in the elevator), and I spent an hour having lovely booby cuddles with SB. Tomorrow I shall take him to nursery and spend the day trying to work out where to go next.

I apologise for the rant... I figured this was the best way xxx

Why doesn't he love me?!

SB is having one of his epic morning naps, I love this time at the weekends because I get time on my own with BB. We are currently playing with his wooden train track.
Me: can I have a kiss?
Bb: no.
Me: please?
Bb: no.
*lays down on the floor and pretends to cry. Loudly.
Bb: mummy?
Me: (hopefully) yes?
Bb: you're laying on my train track.
Me: oh. *shuffles sideways and continues wailing*
A few minutes pass.
Bb: mummy?
Me: yes?
Bb: chocolate biscuit please?
Me: no.
Bb: I give you kiss?

He's two years old and already bargaining with me.

And yes, he's currently eating a chocolate biscuit. I needed a kiss. Bad mummy bear.

This has been a crappy week...

Literally!!

I have cleaned up so much poo this week I have it down to a fine art.

I don't have an issue with poo. It's not pleasant but I've become immune to it over the past two years. But this week both my Bears have insisted on pooing everywhere. It's hot. It stinks. It's gross.

Two poos in pants from BB, who then freaks out because when you pull his pants down he gets poo all down his legs and you have to hose him off in the shower if you don't want to use 150 wet wipes.

One poo on the floor from BB. He was running up the stairs to get to the toilet, naked after his bath... and couldn't hold it so managed to get poo all the way up my stairs. Impressive, but disgusting.

And now SB had his first nappy off time for weeks. And crapped in the middle of my rug before crawling off and smearing it across my carpet. Nice. Thanks for that.

And to top it off I've been on early shifts this week, having to drag both babies out of bed to take them to nursery in the mornings and having very tired grumpy babies. And this morning, when I don't have to wake up, SB's eyes ping open at 6am. Sigh.

I'll be the one in the corner propping herself up with coffee, with a faint smell of poo wafting around her...

More breastfeeding battles

I naively thought that breastfeeding was the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

With BB, I gave up after lack of support and supply issues made me feel like a failure.

With SB, I had wonderful support from a Breastfeeding Support Worker, The Breastfeeding Network and lovely mummies on Facebook groups.

With them, I have battled through a tongue tie, a lip tie, colic, having a needy baby and a young toddler and hard night after hard night.

But 10 months on, we still have issues.

Feeding an older baby comes with it's own stack of problems.

• Teething. He doesn't latch on properly when he's teething, so grumpy baby aside we have to struggle with oversupply issues, windy tummy and a sicky baby.
• Biting. Usually comes hand-in hand with teething, but with three sharp teeth, it's enough to bring tears to my eyes. He bites when his gums hurt, he bites when I offer milk and he doesn't want it, he bites when he's tired. If it's a cheeky bite, I take him off and pop him on the floor, but when he's tired and miserable I don't want to upset him more so I tend to ignore it.
• Distraction. A noisy two year old makes for difficult feeding! SB is more interested in watching BB running around than feeding. and if he is interested in booby, BB thinks it's hilarious to blow raspberries on his tummy, or tickle him, or get impatient because he wants to play with his brother and try and pull him off, because he's helpful like that.
• Judging. I got enough weird looks feeding a smaller baby, apparently feeding a 10 month old is past the limits of normal social behaviour...
• Nursing strikes. SB has recently gotten over tonsillitis, a scary time when he refused booby or bottle completely for three days, took tiny sips of water and refused to eat. He's only just getting back into the swing of feeding again, and it took 24 hours of constant feeding to get my supply back up.

But it's not all bad, don't let me put you off! Even with all of our battles, I still love feeding him. There's nothing like looking down into his eyes and him putting a pudgy hand on my face while he's feeding. I still get rushes of hormones when he has sleepy boob cuddles, and then drops off full and milk drunk.
We have no immediate plans to give up, despite the weird looks, I will give up when it is time for both of us, not when anybody else thinks it's time. I'm hoping it will get to a point where he chooses to wean himself, but we will see how it goes. We've fed on buses, boats and the tube, in taxis and cars leaning over his car seat, in aquariums, restaurants, and walking around the market in the sling. It suits us, and that's all that matters.

Potty training - the first edition

So we have begun potty training. BB has shown signs for a while, holding his wees, squatting when he was going and saying 'I've done a wet', using the potty occasionally. But I didn't have the time to give it a proper go whilst working full-time. My original plan was to try whilst I ahd a week off, but it was a week of visits to the aquarium, the fire station, harbour tours and going to visit my sister-in-law so by the weekend I'd given up and figured we'd just wait a little longer.

But on the Saturday, we had a rare day at home and so I left BB's nappy off and left the potty in sight. By the end of that day, we'd only had one accident, all other wees had gone in the potty without much prompting. So I took this as a promising sign, and again on the Sunday, left his nappy off. Again, he told me when he needed the toilet, and used the potty all day. So on the Monday, when he was back at nursery, I took him in pants with the nappies in the bag in case, expecting that he probably wouldn't be interested in using the potty at nursery.
He didn't! Nursery were really impressed and all week he used the potty or the toilet with one or two accidents a day!

He still is having the odd accident, usually if he is busy playing or eating but we have been able to go out for the day and he's happy to use the toilet when he needs to go, and he likes wearing pants. Even if it means that none of his shorts fit without a big cloth bum to hold them up...

The poo battle is a story for another time but for now, we have conquered the wees!

Breastfeeding at work...

I went back to work when Jacob was 6 months with plans of feeding him expressed breast milk during the day and breastfeeding as normal at home. Except the weeks coming up to my return were filled up with moving house instead of pumping milk and filling up my freezer so I was completely unprepared!

Then I started my new job, and turned into a shy five year old when I met my new (male) manager and couldn't find the courage to ask for the facilities to pump at work. I know, it's really stupid.
So I began combination feeding.

Squish has god knows how many feeds in the mornings and evenings when I'm at home with him and three 4oz bottles of formula at nursery. Not that he even finishes them, he has about 10 oz max all day! Plus his normal meals and water.

This worked fine. Until they announced a rolling rota. And every 12 weeks I have to work 12-8pm. This messes with my pattern as I can't feed when I get home as DB has already picked the boys up and put them to bed! Add into that the fact that SB chose this week of all weeks to sleep through the night, and you have two very sore, very swollen boobies and one growly Mummy Bear.

So I tiptoed into my manager's office, and took a deep breath...

And told him I was struggling with the new shifts, explained that I was still breastfeeding and having a few issues with it, and that I knew that I had rights but I wanted a solution that worked for everybody.

He was quiet for a few moments and looked a bit embarrassed, but just as I was about to flee, leaving a trail of breastmilk behind me... He said he didn't see why as my son was at the onsite nursery I couldn't go and feed him in the evenings, or have the time to pump if I needed it.


YAYYYYY!!!
Score for mummy. Extra milky cuddles with the babe AND no sore boobies/waking up drowning in puddles of my own breastmilk.

So, my message to you lovelies will be - don't be afraid to ask! You do have rights ( Continuing to breastfeed on return to work - Maternity Action ), it might not be the solution you wanted (really I would love to not do late shifts at all!) but do ask, don't suffer in silence like I did. I'm just glad my breastfeeding journey has overcome another hurdle and I can continue.

xxx

Let's talk about sex, baby!

Now I adore my boys, I wouldn't swap them or change them for the world. (unless we were talking about sleep. I would definitely make them sleep more if I could.) I love them, bogeys, willies, snails, slugs and all.
I will love playing trucks and trains.
I will love building elaborate toys.
I will love building dens.
I will kiss many grazed knees, bumped heads, and twisted ankles from rough play.
I will clean up dirty hands and muddy shoes.
I will tend to hearts broken by mean girls.
I will weather through obsessions with their willies (and accept that this is one phase that will never die!)

I have a bond with my sons that is unbreakable, unchanging, and forever. Their tiny hands have made the biggest imprints on my heart.

And yet, when I found out my sister-in-law is expecting a girl I felt a knot in my stomach. I felt the unspeakable nausea from knowing a secret we don't speak about as mothers.

I'd love a little girl.

If given the option to swap my boys for girls, I'd say no in a heartbeat. I've always wanted boys. I love picking out their clothes and playing cars and having mummy cuddles.

So why, when I found out she was pregnant did I wish so hard it was a boy? And why was I so disappointed it was a girl?

I think I've had to come to terms with feelings I didn't realize were there. I don't want any more children, SB was my last Bear. I think it's knowing that I won't ever have a girl that makes me a little sad.
But nowhere near as sad as not having any more babies. As SB is beginning to crawl, and cruise, and grow, it tugs at my heart that this baby phase will only last a little longer. That soon he will push away my arms when I want a cuddle. That I'll never again feel that rush of emotion when my new baby is first in my arms.

Feeling the overwhelming urge to wake my sleeping babies for cuddles!!
xxx

Dinosaur Pasta

Finding meals that are fussy toddler and BLW baby friendly isn't always easy. SB will eat anything but BB turns his nose up at most food that isn't beige. So I concocted Dinosaur Pasta. Full of veggies, BB-friendly, quick and easy,  and... green!


Dinosaur Pasta
(Made enough for 2 toddler portions and 2 baby portions)

4 broccoli florets
1 stick celery
1/4 courgette
small handful of spinach
1 slice ham
Big spoon of soft cheese
Penne pasta
small knob of butter



Boil up pasta, whilst this is cooking chop up all veggies and ham, and sauté gently in the butter. Once soft, add a small amount of water and reduce down for a few minutes. Puree up veg, stir in soft cheese and mix with sauce! serve with cheese for extra toddler points :)

Lamb and Pearl Barley stew

I love my slow cooker. I work full time, and my diet would probably be pretty terrible without it.
I am also incredibly lazy, and it means that chopping veg and chucking herbs, spices and meat into a dish = a tasty dinner to come home to!

Today in my slow cooker, we have lamb and pearl barley stew. I found pearl barley in my cupboard whilst mooching for dinner ideas and figured I'd give it a go! It's cheap, thickens stews and bulks them out, so it's a winner in my books!


Lamb and Pearl Barley Stew

400g Diced lamb
1/2 courgette, chopped
3 carrots, chopped
1/2 leek, finely sliced
1 red onion chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
2 sticks of celery, chopped
45g of pearl barley
1 tsp rosemary
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 pint stock (I use what I have, beef today!)
salt and pepper optional, I chose not to as the small Bears will be eating it.

I'm way too lazy to be browning meat, so I chucked it all in for 7 hours and it wasn't the prettiest of meals but it was lovely with crusty bread! It's bloody cold outside today, and coming home to a comforting dinner already cooked was wonderful.

I'm a very busy mummy bear...

Okay, so I'll give you a breakdown of a day in the Bear household...

6am: Hear Baby Bear wake up. Ignore crashing of toys, pattering feet and shouts of 'mummy, I awake!'

6.30: alarm goes off. Press snooze.

6.31: Squishy Bear starts grabbing my face and attempts to rearrange it whilst singing. Get out of bed, say good morning to BB and open stair gate. BB flees his bedroom and disappears down the stairs. Collect neat piles of clothes prepared the night before.

6.35: Catch BB and change his bum and get him dressed. Find SB who has learnt to zombie crawl and is attempting his escape. New nappy and dress him also. Feed BB

6.50: Make coffee. Give BB fruit and a drink so I get five minutes peace. Doesn't work.

7am: Hang out nappy wash.

7.10: Get dressed. By this time both babies will decide they want my attention and begin to whine.

7.20: Feed babies.

7.30: Drag BB to bathroom, wash his face and get our teeth brushed.

7.45: Put pram up and load it up with their bags and lunchbags.

8am: Eat breakfast. By this I mean run around the living room with my sons chasing me whining for more food whilst I try and shove porridge down my throat.

8.15 Make sure everybody is ready to go, and wake Daddy Bear.

8.30: shout a load of instructions at a half awake DB and run out of the house.

9-5.30: work a shift in a busy lab.

5.45 pick boys up from nursery. Load up pram. Drag to tired whiny boys home.

6pm Bath, PJs, night nappies, stories, cuddles etc etc etc.

6.30 pm: give BB milk, shut stairgate and door. In theory, he is done for the night. Sometimes he does wake, but he's fairly easy to settle. Start feeding SB. He's a monkey to feed and fidgets badly when he's tired.

7pm Pop sleeping baby in his crib. He WILL wake up the second his back touches the crib. Leave the room. SB will wail for about 30 secs before falling asleep.

Rest of the night will be spent putting on washing, tidying toys, packing mine and the boys lunches, packing bags for the next day, cook dinner, wash up, sterilise bottles... By the time I sit down it will be about 9pm, when DB comes in from work. I am usually falling asleep by this point.

This happens four days a week. One day is slightly easier as my mum has the boys and I don't have to sort nursery thighs out and she gets them ready for bed. Weekends are spent cleaning and general pottering I don't have time to do during the week.

I still use cloth, I still breastfeed when baby is with me, he has formula during the day as a) my damn breastpump broke. b) SB feeds so much I can't pump between feeds anyway, I still use slings (I've started tandem wearing at home!) so I still get to parent my way :)

desperately needing time off
xxx

I haven't disappeared!

Gone insane, yes. But I am still here!

The reasons for my absence are individually very easy to cope with. All together, I'm quite surprised I'm not in a loony bin.

1) my laptop died. It suffered the seven beeps of death before failing to turn on ever again. Luckily, all of my photos of my bears are safe, the motherboard died but my hard drive is fine and residing in my paperwork cupboard, until I can afford a new laptop.

2) I lost my iPhone. After my laptop dying, I was using my iPhone as my main source of Internet. And then First buses suffered my wrath after expecting me to get on a bus with no pram facility, and three steps. Bloody hell. Cue carrying on toddler, and sitting him in a seat, then running off of the bus, grabbing squishy bears car seat from the pram and putting that next to bb, then back off again to fold my pram, drag it up the stairs and heave it into the storage bit. At some point I dropped my phone but didn't realise until I got off of the bus. This time I have lost all of my pictures. My own fault for not backing it up but without a laptop I couldn't, but I'm devastated to be honest.

3) I moved house. Never ever want to move house ever again. Not until the boys are big enough to not cry constantly throughout the move! Almost finished unpacking, also very difficult with two under two.

4) I start a new job on Monday. Full time. And the boys are going to nursery. Sob.

5) my post natal depression has gotten to a point where I don't feel like me anymore. My gp won't see me because I've moved out of area, so I'm a bit lost now until i find a new one. I hate feeling like this.

So there you go. Quick update! Will post again with more detail when I get a chance.

The Sudocrem Debacle...

Okay, so let me set the scene.

I went to my mum's for dinner. Daddy Bear has been working lates and some days, when the Bears have been hard work and the thought of putting them both to bed on my own makes me want to run and hide, so I take the Bears to see nanny. We ate dinner and it was getting late, Squishy Bear had gotten fractious and ended up falling asleep in the sling, Baby Bear was running around like a loon, so I decided it was time to go home and put them both to bed (blood pressure raising by the second). Tried to get BB's coat and shoes on... Full scale melt down.

Nanny Bear: He could stay here but the cot isn't here... (Currently moving so it's at the new house)
Me: No probs, he'll be fine as soon as I catch him to put his coat on.
Baby Bear: Noooo, stay with Nannyyyyyyyyy
Me: No baby, come on. Let's go home.
BB: *wails* nooooooooooooo!
NB: Look, just leave him here he can sleep in the single bed. He'll be going into a proper bed at the new house anyway.
Me: Okay.

So I went home.

8pm: NB's facebook update - BB fast asleep in his big boy bed, so proud of him.
8.30pm: NB's fb - Okay, perhaps BB not asleep, just heard the bedroom door open and him calling nanny...
9pm: I phoned NB, she can hear him still chatting away to himself so leaves him up there.
9.15pm: NB's fb - BB seems to think I won't notice if he opens the door and runs into my bedroom to hide. He thinks I'm silly but he is nothing on his uncle!
10pm: Receive text from NB: BB fast asleep, been quiet for last half hour. See you in morning, lots of love.
10.30: About to go to bed. Phone rings.

Me: Is he okay?
NB: I'm so sorry, I thought he was asleep. (Sounds tearful. Cue panic)
Me: What happened?
NB: Is Sudocrem toxic?
Me: No... We get patients in all the time who've eaten it... Why?
NB: Uncle Bear wanted to put him to bed, he must have left a tub of Sudocrem in the bedroom.
Me: Oh, mum...
NB; It's in his ears, up his nose, in his eyes, he's painted his hair, his sheets, the walls. He was asleep but I had to wake him to clean him up, he's screaming for you, I'm so sorry!
Me: I can't come get him, SB is asleep :(
NB: He'll be fine, I'll give him some more milk and get him off. It's not like he can do anything else now.

His hair still feels weird.
He's staying in a cot forever.

Itti Bitti D'lish SIO Review

So I got a few of these in the closing down sale of the UK Itti Website and I wish I'd bought more! I really like them!

Fit - 5/5
Now when I first started our cloth journey I had an Itti Tutto, and I sold it on after a few wears because I didn't like the fit. Turns out I just didn't get it. Itti's are meant to be trim fitting. They're really narrow between the legs, slim fitting so they fit nicely under trousers. The Medium on Squishy Bear fits a dream. He's a 16lb 9oz chunk with a little waist and thunder thighs so he can be quite awkward to fit, but the D'lish fits him really nicely without giving him an enormous bottom. I have also borrowed a large D'lish out of curiousity from the Nappy Library, so see how the fit was on Baby Bear. I was pleasantly surprised that he also fits well in them, despite his big bum and skinny waist.


Absorbancy 4/5
Even without the mini boosters, the D'lish last about 3 hours on SB, and bout 2.5 on BB. Impressive! I think I'm going to buy some mini boosters when they come back into stock everywhere.

Containment 4/5
Few nappies without a double gusset contain breastfed baby pooplosions. And given SB saves up a good 5 days worth before he explodes so I can only pray its in a decent nappy. And the itti isn't bad! There's no poo fence, so although nothing escapes out of the sides a small amount did a Houdini and escaped up the back and onto his vest, but it was only a tiny bit and nothing compared to some others! We've had a few pooplosions since which have been completely contained so I'm pretty impressed.

Ease of use 3/5
So stuffing isn't hard. Unless you find yellow poppers to yellow poppers and purple poppers to purple poppers hard... There's two inserts, a bamboo trifold and an hourglass one with a staydry top that lays on top. Simple. It's the putting on that gets DB. He can do poppers. Ish. But where the D'lish is so trim, you need to run your finger around the leg elastic to tuck it right into the knicker line to get a nice fit, and that's to complex for him.

Drying Time 3/5
I tumble the inserts for half an hour on high, pop them over the radiator and they're dry in a day. Lovely stuff. They will dry in about a day and a half without a drier, which is still fine!


Overall 4/5

Love them. Want more! Might not be fantastic for childcare/daddies but I love them and the prints are amazing! We have red, orange, zebra, stripes and giraffe print, and I have plans to collect many more, mwahahaha!

Tots Bots Easyfit v2 Review

Okay so I figured it was time to start reviewing my vast collection of cloth... I know I'm a relative newbie, I clothed BB from 14 months, and SB from 2 weeks, but I've tried a fair few types of nappies, plus I help out at our local nappy library - does that qualify me??

Tots Bots Easyfit v2

Fit - 4/5
These fit both my long skinny toddler and my chubby baby. They're quite chunky poppered down on a diddy baby, which makes for huge bottoms but I find that quite cute ;). Admittedly, whilst they do fit BB (Who is a 30lb 21 month old) they're getting a bit tight but they still go on comfortably, and cover his tush nicely. The rise is still poppered on the smallest setting on SB (16lb 4 month old), but he's' starting to get a builder's bum so i guess it's time to change ;)

Absorbancy 3/5
So I have two heavy wetting boys. They pee like racehorses. I can get two hours out of an unboosted Easyfit on BB but for us, they are useless for naptime as he drinks milk before he sleeps and wakes up soaked. However, during the day, I tend to pop a bamboo booster in an they last three hours :). SB also gets about 2-3 hours.

Containment 5/5
Have had no issues with my Easyfits containing, the flap at the back catches the most explosive of poos, and despite the lack of a second gusset there haven't been any accidents :) 

Ease of use 5/5
 These get full 'dad-proof' marks. I wash all nappies, and stuff when dried, which simply consists of folding the insert in half and stuffing it in the pocket, therefore all DB has to do is velcro it onto one of the Bears. Simples.

Drying Time 3/5
Once wash I throw them in the tumble drier on low for 20 mins, naughty I  know. But with two in cloth and endless loads of washing to do it's the only way I don't end up running out of nappies! Bamboo does have a longer drying time than microfibre, so hanging over my radiator airers has them dry in a day and a half-ish.

Overall 4/5
So they're not the most absorbant nappies, but they are easy to put on so brilliant for daddies/childminer/nursery, they're not bulky so they fit well under clothes and don't take up too much room in your changing bag, and they come in cute patterns! They are easy to boost too so you can adjust them to your LO's needs.

Babywearing - trials and tribulations of a toddler tantrum in public

Babywearing 1 - toddler 0....

Baby bear isn't such a baby anymore. And the older he gets, the more stubborn he gets.
He wasn't impressed we had left nanny's house early to run errands so decided at the end of nanny's road he didn't want to walk. Squishy bear was snoozing in the pram ( a rare sight, he usually refuses point blank to sleep in the pram so I rarely take the double).

Mb: bb why are you stopping? Come on let's go home!
Bb: no.
Mb: come on bb...
Bb: no.
Mb: do you want to go in the pram?
Bb: NO!! Cue foot stamping, screaming etc etc
Mb: okay, let's walk then.
Bb: mummy carry?
Mb: (looks at the 30lb toddler staring back at her) erm...
Bb: carry me mummy?

Now I was wearing the wrap around my neck as a scarf as that way it does take up room in my bag, so I took it off, removed his reins, wrapping it around him and super manned him onto my back without him even dropping his biscuit. Now I was quite impressed. I can do a double hammock in my sleep but with a four month old baby, not a 21 month old toddler... He's only ever been on my back once for all of five minutes so he was quite confused and wriggled as I did the quickest ruck of my life. Once he was in place I started walking, and he was happy enough talking to passers by and shouting at birds in trees. Now it wasn't the best of carries, the seat wasn't as deep as I'd have liked it and we both had coats on so it all felt a bit loose but it held all the way home! Can honestly say carrying a child that large was much harder but the ellaroo is only cotton do with a more supportive wrap I think we would do better. I look forward to carrying him more, I think I'm going to attempt a tandem next!

So Christmas came and went in a rush of presents and E numbers.#
The kids were spoilt.
I ate too much.
There are even more toys in my tiny house.

And I am left feeling flat. There are no better words for it.
Or maybe one. Bleurgh.
And it isn't one too many quality streets that's making me feel this way. I wake up and I want to go back to bed. I don't, I get through my day in a blur of nappies, toys and baby sick. My children are played with, talked to, clean, fed, my house is immaculate, I'm getting dressed (which makes a change)...
And I still don't feel right.
*whispers*
I have a funny feeling it's a bit more than baby blues...

I cry. All the time. Not at films or TV, or when my toddler won't eat, or my baby won't sleep. But just randomly in the middle of the day. Or night. I don't want people around me, or touching me. I don't know how to fix it. I've suffered with depression in the past, but that was because my life was falling apart and I was in an unhappy relationship.

But I have two beautiful children (one is slightly insane but that's irrelevant), a wonderful partner who's trying his best to make me happy, I'm surrounded by friends and family.


WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!

I keep telling myself I'm tired. Hormonal. Having a bad day. Due on.

But there comes a point when I have to admit to myself it might be more than that. I have a doctor's appointment booked. I'm hoping they're going to tell me to buck up.