Christmas Shopping Attempt #1

What a palava!

Okay, so me and little one were up washed dressed and bags packed by 11am. Just so you know, this never happens. It takes a lot to make me get dressed before noon. Unless I have somewhere particularly important or interesting to be. But I was determined to get a bit of Christmas shopping done, other than the few odd bits I've got online.

Apparently BB had other ideas.

I walked into town, which takes half an hour, because BB had been grizzly all morning and I thought the pram might settle him. But it didn't. He moaned all the way there. As soon as I stepped into Matalan he was hysterical, sobbing and crying, real tears and everything. So I picked him up out of the pram and he seemed okay but still very withdrawn, and he was quite warm. So I put him back in the pram and walked to Boots, he screamed all the way there. Bought some teething powder, gave him a dose and sat down on a bench. I tried giving him a bottle, made him cry. Gave him a carrot puff, made him cry. So I decided it was easiest to take him home. Jumped on the bus, he was still crying. Got halfway home and he fell asleep...

Got home, and the sobbing started again, he settled after a dose of calpol and slept for two hours.
I think my little angel has some more teeth coming. Three months after the last two!!

Waiting for the next ones to pop through
xxx

How could you be angry at this face?

I officially need eyes in the back of my head. My child was born with a radar that senses anything he is not allowed. I could put him in a padded room full of toys and he would find a way to hurt himself. In the past week, he has pulled a kitchen chair onto his face and gotten a black eye, been pushed over by another baby and gotten a nice egg on the back of his head, tried to walk between one piece of furniture and another, fallen and hit his nose on the corner and somehow (he was with his daddy and grandma and they have no idea) got a nasty cut on the back of his head.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a helmet for him soon.

He can pull himself up on anything (and I mean anything - my legs, the walls, kitchen cupboards) which means unless it's up really high, nothing is safe! He's changed settings on my Sky box, dribbled into the speaker on my iPhone, pulled all of my books off of the book shelf, all of the fake stones out of my fake fire, the list is endless. His nickname is Destructo-boy!

The other day, I left the room for two damn seconds and he'd destroyed my newspaper (and eaten chunks of it) and ripped up my post.

Desperately trying to hide anything valuable
xxx

A Survival Guide for New Mummies

This is only in my experience - I am a first-time mummy but I got through those early days of non-stop feeding, changing and cuddles. Looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I'd tried earlier!

Firstly, accept help! You'll probably get every family member, friend and random stranger offering tips and help. If they offer to cook you dinner, eat it. I rarely got time to cook in the early days, and my mother in law filling my freezer with soups and stews was a godsend. If somebody says they'll help with the housework - let them! I always said no, I was coping... I wasn't. My house was a tip for months. If you do insist on doing it yourself, invest in a sling! In fact, get a sling anyway. If you've got a colicky or refluxy baby, a sling is perfect for keeping them close and letting them sleep whilst you can get on. If your mum or other half says 'do you want me to come round and sit with the baby whilst you sleep' DEAR GOD SAY YES! You're not being a bad mother by accepting help, or not being with your newborn every second, a bit of sleep, even half an hour, will make the rest of the day easier.

Don't beat yourself up! If you choose not to breastfeed, it's your choice. Don't let anybody, including yourself, make you feel bad for it. If you can't breastfeed, some people can't, or don't like it, or don't get on with it. It doesn't make you a bad mum. You love your baby, no matter what way you choose to feed. I gave Lucas a dummy after a week. I was so dead certain I would never give a dummy but he was comfort sucking and I wasn't getting any sleep, it saved my sanity. We all have these set ideas in our head, but try to just go with the flow. For weeks, I really felt guilty for stopping breastfeeding, but I just forced myself to think 'happy mummy, happy baby'.

I know everybody says it... BUT SLEEP WHEN BABY SLEEPS! Nobody cares if you haven't hoovered, or there's a bit of washing up. It can wait. You could have a long old night ahead of you, and when you're up for what seems the fiftieth time that night, you'll wish you'd napped earlier.

Eat well. Even if you're not breastfeeding. You've just given birth, your body is recovering from pregnancy, and you need the energy.

Establish visiting times. I wish I'd done this. I had constant visitors for weeks and it's exhausting. If you want your first day with your baby to be just you, your partner and your baby, tell everybody that. Tell them to ring or text before they come, and you can say no if your tired! Most people understand!

If your partner isn't helping enough, sit them down and tell them. Many nights I've woken to the crying baby, gotten up to change, feed and rock baby back to sleep and heard Daddy Bear snoring away happily, and wanted to punch him. The whole of the next day I'd be furious at him, not speak to him, and our relationship suffered. Talking really does help.

And lastly (for now), coping with crying... Not all people agree with me, I'm not pushing my opinions on anybody. But if you've fed, changed, cuddled, sang, rocked, wished and prayed and baby won't settle (providing he's not ill), and you find yourself getting aggravated (I promise you it happens to everybody) put the baby down in his cot, shut the door, and sit in another room for a few minutes. Have a cuppa, or whatever you need, and go back in when your calm. All you'll do if you carry on when your frustrated, is frustrate baby.

Anyway, that's all for now.
I promise it gets easier
xxx

Happy Halloween!!

Okay, so I'll admit it - I'm nasty.

I saw hoards of vampires, monsters and witches coming towards my door... ran inside, turned off the lights and unplugged the door bell...

I was very unprepared for Halloween. I did not buy sweeties for the kiddies. I don't answer my door at the best of times, especially not to a six year old dressed as dracula high on E numbers.

I was rarely taken trick or treating. Mostly because I was not prepared to knock on doors and request sweeties. My brother was though, and I'd hide behind him and accept what was given to me. Even the odd old ladies that gave out things like cereal, pennies and toothpaste.

I did however dress up Baby Bear. He has been trussed up in a pumpkin outfit today, and was rather unimpressed. He kept trying to pull off the green leaves and poking at the eyes on his tummy!
Eager for Christmas so I can dress him in his Reindeer outfit!
xxx

I know, I've been slacking!!

I'm officially no longer a stay at home mummy!!

I went back to work, three days a week, ten hours a day. I've had a cluster feeding newborn, I thought I knew how long ten hours could feel...
Until I did a ten hour shift in a hospital on my feet after my baby woke up six times in the night, then having to get him ready and myself before his nana came to pick him up at 9 am, before going into work. Wow. A new level of tired, I'll tell ya! And fitting in making lunches for me and Daddy Bear, housework, food shopping, washing, making a week's worth of purees means 'tired' is my new favourite word.

But enough about me, I'm sure you want to hear about Baby Bear!!
He's amazing. He makes me laugh every day.
He's 6.5 months old.
Has two bottom teeth.
Crawls.
Pulls up to stand.
DOES NOT sleep through the night (and the next person who asks may get a punch on the nose)
Gives cuddles.
And generally lights up my day!

He has the biggest brown eyes, and I do worry about when he older, I really worry I'll never be able to say no to him...

Loving being a mummy
xxx

Introducing Meat

So I've been making purees in preparation for my return to work, so family don't have to worry about feeding Baby Bear. At the minute he's still on fruit and veg purees, as well as finger food bits such as cucumber and rice cakes. He loves his food, and is a brilliant eater.

He's six months in just over a week, so I can bring meat and gluten into his diet. So I've been stocking up my freezer by pureeing basically what me and Daddy Bear eat. So far this week I've done him a pork and apple casserole, chicken and potato and a shepherd's pie with a root veg top (which I just taste tested, it's really nice!). I've been putting aside a small amount of meat and veg, as I'm a bugger for adding salt for my own food, and cooking him up his own little meals. I've actually really enjoyed doing it, I did wonder if it was too much hassle and I should just give him baby jars, but I like knowing what goes into his food, and it's really not that hard! I know it's not for everybody, but I'm going to try to keep it up!

We are still teething like a demon, today was especially hard as Daddy Bear wasn't home at dinner time, and I ended up having to cook my dinner, sort out BB and get him bathed and in bed by 6.30. It was hard, I'll tell you! I'm used to having DB either bath BB or help me with dinner. I can do it on my own, provided I can put BB down to play or stick him in his highchair with a few toys. But no. My suddenly clingy boy would not let me put him down without dissolving into tears... so I put him in his sling and did it all! Dinner was mediocre, and his bath was a little shorted than usual, but he had his bath and bottle and went straight to sleep. Thank god. He's still not taking a nap in the afternoon and it's making the evenings hell! I'm really hoping this is just down to his teeth...

If anybody wants the recipe's I use for purees let me know
xxx

Goodbye Sleep, Hello Teething

Seriously? I got like a week of nice nights with Baby Bear.

And then, out of nowhere....

Came the teething monster......

He's dribbly, off his milk, refusing solids, not napping and incredibly miserable. He whinges, 24/7 until Mummy Bear is at her wit's end. A bit of Calpol soothes him if I'm lucky, but the moaning is endless!

Yesterday imvolved waking half hour earlier than usual, bottle, a small amount of mashed banana, whinge, half hour nap, whinge, bottle, whinge, play with an empty wipes pack for 20 mins, whinge, half hour nap, refused lunch, cuddles, whinge, play, whinge for hours and refuse anymore sleep, dinner, bath (the only time he was awake and not moaning) fall asleep on bottle!

All of my family member's who said hey, wait until he's three months old, it suddenly gets really easy, lied. To be fair, it is easier, he sleeps usually at least 4-5 hours, if I'm lucky up to 12 hours at night. He laughs, smiled, plays, tries to crawl, sits unaided. He's usually a pleasure, but the teething monster and me are not friends!

I got my rota for work, I go back in two weeks. I'm bricking it! I haven't worked since JANUARY!!! I don't even know what to do anymore. And I'm absolutely dreading ten hour days on broken sleep. All I can hope is that he cuts this tooth and goes back to normal before then!

Enjoying time off while I can!

xxx

Sighh....

It honestly feels like I'm never going to get a full nights sleep! I've started going to bed around the same time Baby Bear is, just to get a few extra hours in! He's been good a handful of nights lately, and although it is improving... I really miss the days of maternity leave, when although I was huge, had heartburn and a bladder the size of a brussel sprout, I went to bed at around ten, woke up maybe once of twice to pee or guzzle down some Gaviscon, and woke up around nine. Maybe a sneaky nap around two in the afternoon...

I try to be in bed around 8pm now, although sometimes I wait until ten pm for his dreamfeed. A good night for us is two or three wakings after this feed. The worst have been twenty minute sleeps between cuddles, putting the dummy back in and patting his back. o

I've restarted the Gina Ford routine but I've had a few really busy days and getting good naps in has been a nightmare! And bad naps during the day = lots of waking in the night. But I'm going to continue following it, as the days I have he's pretty much slept through the night, and I go back to work soon. Work + broken sleep = zombie mummy bear.

Daddy bear is getting very grumpy with the lack of sleep (although he sleeps through half the night wakings anyway!!) but continues to tell me it's not me. I've had many a morning, sat sobbing in bed because he has hardly slept and I don't know what I'm doing wrong :(

He's now on three meals a day, which consists of

Banana porridge - it's an Organix one which stinks and comes up really thick so you have to make it runny as it goes stodgy within minutes.

Some kind of root veg mash, and a cube of apple or pear puree for dessert

Hipp nighttime porridge, sometimes with a bit of fruit puree mixed in.

I still give him his bottles first, he takes a good 7oz of milk four times a day, and since introducing breakfast he only takes 3-4 oz during the night rather than a full bottle. I still want milk to be his main source of food.

Hoping and praying things get better before I go back to work
xxx

Nearly!

Baby Bear has been rolling since 2.5 months... but now every time i put him down he flips over! He started pushing up on his arms over the last few days, has a look around and then lifts all of his limbs off the ground and flails them around like he's swimming. He can 'swim' round in circles, if there's a toy he wants or he is facing the other way but wants to turn to my voice. But yesterday he started tucking his legs under his tummy and lurching forward and face-planting into the floor (haha). He can either hold up his front or back half, but hasn't quite worked out how to get on all fours. I think I'll have a crawler soon enough!

Watching my BB grow up to first
xxx

Do I Dare?

*peeks out from behind door and whispers post*

I think it might be getting better...
I know I jinxed myself last time... but I honestly think sleep might be improving. Now, I might be shooting myself in the foot here (and believe me, it might be a little less painful than night after night of no sleep and day after day of horrendous napping) but we may be coming out of the sleep regression.

The fussing over bottles is getting better, he's no longer screaming with the teat in his mouth, he drinks a few ounces and plays with the teat for a while, but he is taking it (albeit slowly).

Naptimes are difficult but bearable. For his am nap he slept in his bouncy chair to the tune of Classic AM for a fair while. I don't know how long it was, but it was enough time for me to shower, brush my teeth, make beds, do bottles, get dressed AND put make-up on. I even got a slice of toast and half a cup of tea before he roused his sleepy head. He then played with my face (his new favorite toy - he likes to pull my face around and babble) before going in the door bouncer (hilarious, will upload video later) whilst I sorted his breakfast and put away toys. He had a bit of an Ella's Kitchen pouch (I know I said I wouldn't use them but it was pure mango and I refuse to buy them and puree them myself as mango puree can't be frozen and the rest would be wasted). He happily munched that down and then I dressed him and went to visit my friend for the day, where he had another sleep in his pram (again for a fair while). Bedtime was reasonable, a few minutes of fussing before he let me pat his bum to sleep in his cot.

So the daytimes have improved... and dare I say it... so have the nights!!

Two nights ago my SIL bought be a night-time porridge back from Germany, and I gave him a small amount before bed. He slept thought until 4 when he woke for his dummy twice... and that was it. No feeds, no fussing...
Last night he slept from 7 until 2.30am, had a feed and woke twice more for his dummy and woke for the day at 6.30...

Have I cracked it? Could we be coming out of the hell which is the four month slepe regression? If so, IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME!!!!!

Crossing her fingers (and toes)
xxx

Why Oh Why??

Did I say anything out loud. Here I was, going on and on about how well BB had gone to bed, how soundly he was sleeping. Little did I know, 40 mins after I posted all hell broke loose. He woke up half hourly/ hourly from 10pm until 3am when he finally gave up and went to sleep until 6.15.

I fed him twice. Gave him Calpol. Put his dummy in. Held his hands. Patted his bum. Stroked his head. Put him in the Moses Basket next to my bed. All tried and tested methods which usually work to get him to sleep. But no.

Clearly I jinxed myself.
Not a happy (and very sleepy) Mummy Bear
xxx

Changing Bedtime

For a fair while now Baby Bear has had a bath at six, bottle at six thirty and bed anywhere between 7-8.30pm, depending how long he fights sleep for. This last week has been particularly bad, he simply refuses to self-settle and needs me to hold his hands and pat his bum until he falls asleep, for anywhere up to an hour! He's suffering horrendously with the 4 month sleep regression and wakes anything up to 10 times a night, but the last three nights have been better, am just crossing my fingers it stays this way.
Tonight I thought I'd try putting him down earlier, as bedtome really couldn't get any worse, bathed him at 5.30, bottle at 6 and bed for six thirty. He was asleep in minutes. WHY DID I NOT TRY THIS BEFORE???? IT IS SUCH A SIMPLE SOLUTION!!!!!

He's still asleep now, at 21.20 *touch wood* and I am praying for a good night. For my own sanity.

So, back to weaning. BB has had nothing but homemade purees from the start, but yesterday he was out so I tried him on an Ella's Kitchen Apples, Pears and Babyrice pouch. The first thing that struck me was how smooth it was, a completely different texture to homemade food, almost like yoghurt. He wasn't keen for the first few mouthfuls but took about a third of a pouch. For around 99p a pouch and only making 3 servings for him, it would be too expensive for me to buy baby food on a regular basis but for emergencies it was fine. I like Ella's Kitchen as it was one of the only brands that had no additives, just the three ingredients listed. I was slightly worried today that he wouldn't be keen on his normal food after tasting packets, but luckily he was fine.

Praying Baby Bear sleeps well!
xxx

Weaning

Right, have been a lazy Mummy Bear again and have not been posting. So started weaning at 17 weeks as I said I would, started on baby rice, which he gobbled up, then a bit of carrot.
The carrot massacre started at home, then I went to Southampton to go shopping... but I carried LO... wearing a white t-shirt. And the jiggling on my hip meant plenty of orange vomit over mummy. yum.

So I gave him an ice cube of carrot for a few days, then sweet potato, then butternut squash. He was really showing and interest in food and rather upset when it was gone! So I gave him two cubes, either two types of root veg or a root veg and pear (Butternut squash and pear have been his favorite so far)
When this had been going well for a few days, I started on breakfast too as I'd only been giving lunch. I tried mashed banana. And had it spat back in my face. So I added a little baby rice. Still not keen but ate some of it before grabbing the bowl out of my hands and smearing it every where. I ended up having to bath him after the banana massacre, as it was in his eyebrows and everything. So I'll give banana a miss for a few days!

Today he's had pear and baby rice for breakfast, then he's going to my mum's for a bit so he can have some kind of orange goo when he gets back. I was surprised at how well he has been with food, he's really keen to try things and really enjoys some of them! I make sure not to give him to much (as I don't want to make him fat) and not too close to his bottles (as I don't want to put him off his milk) but he's still taking the milk well, he's sleep is getting better and he's happy!

Baby Bear has also learnt to roll back to front. Which is great. Sort of.
He now constantly rolls onto his tummy, for a few minutes before whinging to be moved. As soon as I flip him over, he rolls again. He can roll the other way, he simply chooses not to!
N.B to self, four month old babies move faster and further than originally thought. Leaving drinks on the floor does result in them being spilt!!

Cleaning orange goo off of her carpet
xxx

1 step forwards, 20 back

I'd like to start off by apologising for not writing the last few days - it's because I've turned into a sleep deprived zombie.

BB has decided he doesn't like nightimes. He's constantly waking, doesn't want a feed, cuddles, dummy. He's not hot/cold, doesn't have a wet bum... and yet something stops him from sleeping. He wakes at least hourly, and I go in, replace his dummy, and go back to bed. I can hear him tossing and turning in his sleep, so I burp him... and nothing comes up. Tonight I'm going to try a bit of gripe water as I'm completely lost. I don't know whether to try calpol as he might be teething. At the minute I'd try anything as funnily enough, crying out of frustration doesn't do a lot to settle him! I actually gave up at 4.50 am this morning and let him sleep on my whilst I watched TV.

On a positive note - I made his first purees for the freezer. It's a trial and error process, and the first one was more error than anything...

I peeled and boiled two sweet potatoes, and popped them into my blender... switch on... nothing.
Bugger.
Tried readjusting, putting it into another plug... nothing.
Sigh...

So I put it into a bowl, got a whisk, and pressed on. Yes, it went everywhere at first. But I've managed to make a puree, adding a bit of the cooking water.
I popped it into an icecube tray... still loads left. used a few of the weaning pots I have... Still loads left.

Note to self, two sweet potatoes makes a ridiculous amount of puree!

So yesterday I went to my mum's and did a butternut squash one, using her steamer and food processor - so much easier!

Must get some kind of new blender!!

Eagerly anticipating the day when I can sleep again...
xxx

Night of the Living Dead

Do you know what happens when Mummy Bear has to get up all night?

She becomes a walking zombie...

She shuffles through her housework, tripping over her feet and taking twice as long....
She puts handwash on her toothbrush,
Nappies in the fridge,
Milk in the mug cupboard,
Forgets what she's saying half way through a sentance,
Dresses BB in bizarre outfits...

What happened BB? You were sleeping through the night? I thought I'd finally cracked it! I was beginning to feel human again, then all of a sudden I was waking every hour to put your dummy back in, we went back to nighttime feeds and MB went back to the walking dead.

Missing her sleep
xxx

It's Judgement Day

I made a comment about another mum, which caused a bit of a stir, and made me think. It's natural to judge - those who say they don't, probably don't realise they're doing it. We try not to - and it's not about thinking we are better but we all have our own views on what's right or wrong. What I feel is right for my baby might be completely wrong for another. Somebody who prefers attachment-style parenting (baby-wearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cuddle-it-out, baby-led weaning) may think that a mother who formula feeds, traditional weans, cot-sleeps and lets baby cry it out is cruel, and this mother may think the attachment mommy is spoiling their baby, but we all have our own way of doing things, and if it isn't hurting baby then why not?

My baby sleeps in his own room, he sleeps better without his daddy's snoring and mummy's fidgeting waking him up. I'm a smoker so I don't co-sleep as I don't want to breathe my faggy breath all over him but I do wake up the minute he cries. Some parent's might not think it appropriate but I do.

I don't baby-wear as I have problems with my joints and the extra weight hurts my pelvis, but he's almost always with me, and I try to stay where he can see me.

I tried breastfeeding but he is now much happier on formula. He had three months of breastfeeding and he still has one breastfeed at night time but his reflus has improved since being on SMA Staydown. I'm gutted I can't feed him anymore, as I loved it.

When it comes to crying, if I know he's well fed, burped, not got a dirty nappy, at the right temperature - I'll let him whinge for a while. I'll pick him up if he cries properly and give him a cuddle but if he's crying because he's tired, he will settle himself.

I was advised to start traditional weaning at 17 weeks by my GP. I'm unsure about this, I'm going to follow baby's lead. If his weight is fine and he's reflux settles, I'll wait a little longer. He already takes 7oz bottles for hourly, if his milk intake is huge by then, I might try weaning, but if he's happy, I'll leave him until he needs more.

I don't think any of this makes me a better or worse mother than anybody else. I know what's best for my child but it might not be the same for somebody else's baby. He's happy, healthy and thriving, and most importantly, loved by his parents.

Thinking twice before judging other's parenting...
xxx

I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning...

BB has been sleeping well in his cot for the last two nights, but last night he was unsettled again. Not as bad as before but enough to for me to put him back in his Moses basket in my bedroom. So not a brilliant night.
Then I got a poke from DB at 6.30am. He started a new job yesterday and now it looks like I have to get up early too! Even BB wasn't up yet!! So I stumbled out of bed, ironed him a shirt and made his sandwiches (if I was organized I'd do this the night before but I'm not) and collapsed on the sofa. Then BB woke up.
So I fed him, changed him, played with him, made bottles, put him down for his nap, tidyed up...
And remembered it was Tuesday and the HV clinic is on. So I got us both washed and dressed, got about ten minutes up the road and remembered I'd forgotten my blue book. So back I went.
Second attempt. Remembered HV clinic had moved, so grabbed the leaflet with the address and tried again.
Third attempt. Spent half an hour trying to find the bloody place. Couldn't find it anywhere, so came back home.

Am now taking BB back to bed for a nap.

Arghh!!
xxx

What an Awful Night!

Over the past few days I've had to fight BB to sleep, it's been horrible. I put him down at 6.30/7 depending on when he's tired and he'll fuss and moan for an hour or so. Last night I put him down at seven because he was visibly tired... at 12am I was still fighting him. It was ridiculous.
I swaddled him.
Cuddled him
Fed him
Massaged him
Rocked him
Patted him
Changed him

And eventually I took him in bed with me and after 10 minutes of tossing and turning he settled and slept. Until 3am when he had his feed and then started fussing and took a while to go back to sleep again! Why did it have to happen on a night when DB was working until 5am?

He just cried and cried no matter what I did! I noticed when I changed his bum that his poo was like maltesers and rolled out of his nappy :s Gaviscon has been making him so constipated but if I took him off it he just vomits constantly. So I went out and bought SMA Staydown so I can take him off of Gaviscon and he's actually been much better than usual. (And has done an enormous poo hehe)

I've kept him awake a fair bit today and although he fussed for about ten minutes, he's gone down (thank god!)

Hopefully the SMA will do well for him and he's stopped this awful night crying!
xxx

OMG I HAVE A BABY!!

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Okay, so I know how it happened, the birds and the bees (or the lack on contraception) and all that, but I've just realized I'm a parent!

It might be a bit late... You might think I'm incredibly slow. But I'm actually really stunned right now.

My epiphany happened the other morning when BB flatly refused to nap until he was so overtired he just wanted to scream. So I took him out in his pram... In my pajamas. I really don't care, I just wanted BB to sleep. And I saw this heavily pregnant woman waddling along, and I thought 'wow, she looks beautiful'. And it hit me, I had a big bump like that. I completely lost the ability to walk without looking like I had a watermelon between my legs. I actually gave birth. I have a baby, who is going to crawl, and walk, and talk, and go to nursery and school and college and university and get a job. Somebody who is entirely dependant on me, and loves me and is my entire world!

And although between nappy changes and feeds and playtime and the lack of sleep, it seems like I've been doing this forever and I don't actually remember being pregnant all that much. I wish I'd treasured it, instead of wishing it was over and the baby was here. I wish I'd enjoyed the sleep and the lazy days in bed and feeling my baby roll over in my tummy.

And it made me realize....

I'M SOOOO BROODY!

Now every bump I see sets off this uncontrollable urge to breed. I want it all again, I want to cry at my scans and pick out cute baby things that are completely pointless and wonder which day is going to be 'the day'.

Apparently I forget, for that moment, the heartburn, piles, stretchmarks, small bladder, and having to push a huge baby out of a stupidly small orifice.

Wishing DB would let her have another one
xxx

Reflux Battles pt II

I spoke to my Health Visitor about Baby Bear's reflux, and that he seemed worse with breastmilk rather than formula (It was literally coming straight back up). I am reluctant to stop breastfeeding so she advised combo feeding as he won't take Gaviscon after a breast but will take it in formula. So I started alternating feeds, breast at one then formula the next, and making sure he was well winded and propped him up with pillows after each feed so he was kept still and upright. This worked well for a few days until I woke up one morning, gave him a breast, sat him up to burp him and the whole thing came back up. Then three hours later, I gave him formula with Gaviscon, and that came back up too. He's been awfully sick during the night feeds too, so I phoned the GP and got an appointment. He agreed that the Gaviscon has stopped working and he needs Ranitadine (sp?). If that doesn't work within a week, then he needs to see a dietician. Poor little thing :(

He does seem happy enough though, he's still his happy smily self, just incredibly messy! I've never done so much washing in my life!!

Worried about my Sicky Bear
xxx

Thank you Baby Bear

Dear Baby Bear,
When you read this you will be much older, and able to understand the sleep you deprived me of. The first three days after having you, you did not sleep at all. I then spent eight weeks waking every two hours, which sent me a little loopy. The remote was found in the fridge, the milk in the cupboard where I keep my teacups, the bottle of fabric softener inside the washing machine...
But I'd like to mark this momentus day with a thank you note. For what, you might ask? I put you to bed in your own room at 7pm... at 8.30 I'd had enough of waiting for you to settle and took you to bed with me. There we slept until 2.30 am! When I fed you and snuggled back down... until 7.30 am!!!! ONE NIGHT FEED! I feel amazing. I know it's probably a fluke and won't happen again for another six months but I dont care. Turns out all I had to do was bath you earlier and top you up with formula.

I love you Baby Bear (We'll crack the co-sleeping later...)
xxx

Early Morning Waking

I am not a morning person.
I am better than some, Daddy Bear for example takes about an hour of pressing the snooze button before he drags himself out of bed.
I will get up straight away, I just dont like getting up early.

Now I accepted that my days of waking at 11am were over when I had a baby, and I got used to waking at 7am with Baby Bear, and then back to bed at 9ish when he got tired again. But Baby Bear is only on two feeds a night at the minute, but has started waking just before 6am and not going back to sleep :(

Our routine:
Nap from 5pm until 6.15
Bath at 6.30pm, then baby massage and dressed
Play until 7pm
Bottle of EBM at 7pm (sometimes 6.50 if he's fractious)
Cuddles until he starts getting sleepy
Put into bed at 7.30pm, where he will fight sleep for about an hour, sometimes longer!

I've tried putting him to bed later. I've tried putting him to bed earlier. Neither work for him.

I don't function particularly well waking up at 6am, it's killing me! So today I'm going to try and keep the baby up longer in the daytime and see if that works!

Hoping for a lie-in!
xxx

So I guess I'm just unlucky.

I heard of people who stopped bleeding two weeks after their birth and naturally assumed that would be me.

Nope. Six weeks.

I was told lovely stories about people not having a period until they stopped breastfeeding.

Nope. Two days after pp bleeding stopped I had one.

Then, to top that off, four days after my period stopped... I start bleeding again. What the hell is going on? How many packs of Always am I going to have to use? I WANT TO WEAR NORMAL PANTS AGAIN!!! I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A PAD ANYMORE!!!!!

And just when I was about to give up and cry, I looked down at my gorgeous baby, and got this in return:




Isn't he just beautiful?

Wasting time watching my little one nap
xxx

Breastfeeding in Public

I saw a tag today that says, 'I breastfeed in public, if you have a problem, put a blanket over your head' and it made me chuckle.
I went out for lunch with a friend last week, and typically, as my food arrives, Baby Bear wakes for his feed. It happens most of the time - he's really got his timing down to an art now! So I unclipped my nursing bra and started feeding. Much to the dismay of the tables around me. I don't cover over all the time, I don't think it's necessary. I think if you cover up whilst nursing, it should be to make you feel more comfortable, not other people. If they don't like it they dont HAVE to watch! Besides, Baby Bear latches on and off frequently during the first few minutes of feeding and it's a pain trying to get my nipple in his mouth under a muslin square.

What is everyones problem with breastfeeding? I never sat and stared at someone feeding in public before I had a baby. I never made irritating comments like, 'Oh God, I don't know where to look'. I have every right to feed my baby wherever I want to, and wherever I feel comfortable. I think a lot of people choose not to breastfeed because of the judgement you get from certain individuals, and it isn't right. If a mummy doesn't want to breastfeed, it should be because she choses not to, not because she doesn't want nasty stares from people.
I've seen drunken girls out on a Friday night getting their nips out and getting less attention! (courtesy of working in a nightclub)

phew, rant over.

On a less angry note, any expectant mummies out there who aren't sure whether they want to breastfeed, don't let idiots discourage you. I was shy for the first few times i fed in public and I covered up with a muslin. But I soon got over it. The baby needs feeding, they dont have to look and once latched, baby's head covers most of your boob.

Happily getting her boobies out in public for the last 7 weeks
xxx

Reflux

Baby Bear has become Grumpy Bear. He cries a lot - seemingly for no reason which can frustrate Mummy and Daddy Bear as they just want to make it better. Mummy Bear asked (told) the GP if he had reflux, after changing his sicky clothes 50 times (and her own), watching him gag and choke on nothing, and finding he doesn't sleep for very long even though he's exhausted :( the GP prescribed baby Gaviscon, as he agreed with Mummy Bear. Mummy Bear got very excited, thinking BB was going to get better, and promptly made up a bottle of water and Gaviscon. Gave it to him after his booby, as instructed... or tried, anyway. BB gagged on every drop he was given, crying and spitting it out. So MB pumped off a bottle and mixed it in with that... Baby Bear didn't like that much either, only taking 3oz before pushing the bottle away and losing interest. Mummy Bear is lost now until she sees the Health Visitor next Tuesday.

I don't know what to do for him. He's less sick if he has formula, but I don't want to formula feed him. It's nothing against mothers who do, just my choice. He's better if slept on his side, but this obviously fights with the SIDS advice, so I don't sleep well listening out for him! Grr! I'm going to keep researching and talk to the HV, surely there's more than medicine he hates available?

Wanting to help her poor Baby Bear
xxx

Just a Labour Flashback...

Was catching up on my celeb news this morning (yes, I do get time to do such trivial things in the morning as Baby Bear loves his playmat!) and read that Mariah Carey wanted to give birth to her own songs! Saying that, I had a labour playlist.
I wanted to listen to pan flutes in the early stages, and happy songs that brought back nice memories in active labour.

With my 1st stage of labour being just under two hours, my birth plan went out of the window. It took almost an hour and a half to pack the last of my bag, have a cup of tea and get to the hospital, by which point I was fighting the urge to push in the car (I thought I was being ridiculous, little did I know I was already fully dilated). My lovely midwife offered to run me a bath, and I said yes... It got about two inches full before I shouted I didn't have time!!

I then read that Miranda Kerr told Orlando Bloom he wasn't allowed to leave her to pee, and thought this was mean until I remembered Daddy Bear saying he needed the loo, and telling him 'well I need to push, so you'll have to wait!'
His bladder really was the last thing on my mind when there was a giant head making it's way down my birth canal.

So needless to say, half the stuff in my hospital bag was absolutely useless. Although I used the pillow (after telling my mum not to bring it), I came home with it almost fully packed. I'd changed into a nightgown to deliver, used toiletries to have a shower, and put a clean outfit to go home in... Obviously I didn't know my labour was going to be so short, or that I'd be let out of hospital six hours later, or my bag would have been considerably lighter. For all I knew, I could have been in labour for days, using the magazines, snacks, and various other bits and pieces I'd packed.

Happily reminiscing...
xxx

Being A New Mummy

My body's ability to irritate me surprises me no end. I bled for six weeks post-partum, which in my eyes is a ridiculous amount of time and I should have taken out stock shares in Always. So I had my first bath with Baby Bear, and absolutely loved it. He snuggled into me and smiled whilst splashing about. I awoke this morning with a back ache.
Not surprising, I walked ridiculous amounts yesterday.
Then had a crampy tummy this morning.
Okay, maybe that chicken did look a bit suspect last night.
It took me hours to realize it was menstrual cramps. Daddy Bear was a bit confused - he forgets it was around this time last year when I had my last period, I'm out of practice!!

It does explain why I keep crying when Baby Bear does I guess...
And the two empty tubs of Ben & Jerry's Coconutterly Fair...

I knew it would happen eventually, but I had TWO BLOODY DAYS OF FREEDOM!!
Two glorious days without a pad, and it came back. I hate my body sometimes. Not only do I have a belly that looks like a deflated balloon, boobies that are so engorged they are bigger than my head and greasy hair, I have a uterus with no consideration for my feelings.

On another note, after days of feeding on demand whilst Baby Bear had a growth spurt, he seems to have settled down now. I put him back on the feeding routine in the Gina Ford book - this I like, it was the nap times I couldn't get on with, and although he fights sleep it's nowhere near as bad and it's easier on both of us, thank god. I've reduced the amount he sleeps in the day, but he's still always fairly sleepy in the day and very grumpy if I keep him awake too long so I do let him sleep when he needs it.

So although I'm tired, and my belly hurts, I still love being a mummy. Every days is like trial and error, if one thing doesn't work for us I try not to punish myself, and adjust our routine accordingly. Eventually I'll find something that works for us both, and maybe one day in the not so distant future I'll get more than three hours at a time!

Waiting to give Baby Bear his dreamfeed before I go to bed myself!
xxx

Oh little Bear, why won't you sleep?

So, I accepted I was going to be tired. I knew being a mummy was going to be hard. But my little bubba, who was sleeping relatively well, has changed his mind, and now has decided it's much more fun to stay awake.

I attempted to follow Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby Routine, but it wasn't for me. I'm a very active person and I found the routine very restricting as Little Bear was supposed to sleep in his room, in the dark, at set nap times. I can't stay in all day, it's not practical and drove me insane. I also found that keeping him awake for set amount of times just made him very cranky. So I started following his lead. If he wants to sleep, I let him sleep. But I make sure that when he is awake, I play with him, talk to him and keep him stimulated. For the last few days he's been cluster-feeding, and I'm putting it down to a growth spurt, as I can't settle him with a dummy, cooled boiled water or a cuddle, he wants food every 60-90 mins.

And don't get me started on night times. He fights sleep for a long time, spitting out his dummy and waking after about five minutes, so it's a cycle of put fummy back in, hold his hands, and usually he'll settle. If not, a quick cuddle will quieten him. Put him down. He wakes within 15 mins and cries. Back in, dummy in, drifts off, leave the room, he wakes up. It doesn't matter if I'm in my bed next to his Moses Basket, he's just not staying asleep.

I'm putting it down to insufficient naps during the day, he's fighting them too which means I struggle to get anything done! Over the past few days I've tried swaddling, sleeping bags, keeping him warm, keeping him cool, a bottle of formula, putting a sheet under the head of his mattress so he's not flat, and now I'm at a loss!

Today, my experiment is letting him nap in his bouncy chair in front of me instead of putting him in his room. I figure he's only dinky and needs to know I'm close, as he is fast asleep has stirred once or twice, spotted me and gone back to sleep. He's quite happy to sleep in my arms, or in a chair or in the pram, but this doesn't help my night times - I appear to be running on some kind of freaky back-up energy for now but I'm very tired.

Let's see if what they say is true - that sleep breeds sleep and his better daytime naps mean better sleep at night - I shall update soon!!

Eagerly awaiting a better night's sleep
xxx

Post-Baby Body

I never expected to pop right back into shape after I gave birth (just hoped and prayed) but I wasn't prepared for how different my body would be. Not to scare any first time mummies out there, but it's not the prettiest sight.

I saw all the celebrities appearing weeks after giving brith looking no different and assumed I'd be pretty much the same - I'm young and slim, why wouldn't I be like that?
Because I don't have a nutritionist and personal trainer (or the will power) that's why. I can't exercise properly for another week and I'm breastfeeding so can't diet.

It's been five weeks since I popped the little one out, and yes I've lost a lot of my baby belly, but I have no clothes that fit. My maternity stuff is obviously massive, but my pre-preggo clothes are nowhere near fitting. I have a wedding to go to on Sunday, and have been trying desperately to find and outfit that doesn't make me look like a wobbly blob.

I have given up after a depressing incident in the H&M changing rooms. I found two gorgeous dresses, and I was reasonable - I didn't pick up and 8 or a 10 because I knew they wouldn't fit, but I picked up one dress in a 12, and another in a 14. I skipped up to the changing rooms, pleased I'd found something.
The 12 barely fit over my head, let alone did up.
The 14 almost zipped all the way up, so I took off my bra, determined to get it on. It still didn't do up, and then Baby Bear started crying outside. Bugger. I saw two wet patches spreading rapidly on the dress and tried to get out of it quickly. That was when my let-down really kicked in a mik started spraying everywhere - over the mirror, running down my belly, dripping on the floor. I grabbed my breastpads and stemmed the flow, before dressing quickly and running from the shop red-faced.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK NICE WHEN I LEAK EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME!!!!??? PRETTY DRESSES AND MASSIVE, LEAKY, VEINY BOOBIES DON'T GO!!!!!

So I'm going naked.

If I'm not arrested for public indecency (Because nobody wants to see my saggy, stretchmarky tummy, ever-expanding arse and big veiny boobies) I'll write again soon to let you know how it went

Eagerly awaiting a normal body
xxx

I am one exhausted Mummy Bear

My little Bear is five weeks old today... and I have aged at least ten years since he was born. When asked if I wanted someone to look after him over night so I could go out, I said I'd rather have a full night's sleep!

I wonder if I brought it on myself by choosing to breastfeed - it's bloody hard and awkward at times, and I do see why a lot of women give it up... but I look down at him suckling away on my boob, holding onto it for dear life and staring up at me all content, and I know I love it really. This feeling however is usually during the day, not at night when he is feeding every two hours. I'm hoping this is a growth spurt, and he's cluster feeding to make up for it because I can't do this much longer!! I don't want to give it up though, I know it's best for him.

He's just gorgeous though, and I spend my days just staring at him. Between feeding, washing, changing, and trying to keep some semblance of order to my house, I don't really do much else, but that in it's self is ridiculously hard!

I must get back to being super mum right now, so I'll post better soon. I apologise for the slack posting by the way, my stupid internet broke.

Loving being a mummy
xxx

Baby Bear Has Arrived

On the 30th of March 2011 at 5.59am Lucas William George made his way screaming into the world, weighing 8lb3oz and looking absolutely perfect.

28th March

I had my stretch and sweep, 2cm dilated and fully effaced, which set off contractions but as usual, nothing came of it. All day Monday nothing exciting happened, and Mummy Bear was getting very frustrated.

29th March

10am - I was stood washing up and felt a trickle. Though Baby Bear had done his usual and stomped on my bladder so I ran to the loo and my pad was wet with pink fluid. Hmm, more show?

12am - Went shopping with Nanny Bear, thought if it was my waters then walking around would break them properly, but no. Damp pad, not wet. grrr.

5pm - had small trickles all day, assumed it was wee until I walked the dog for an hour, came home and was absolutely soaked through. Phoned maternity who told me to come straight in. Getting nervous now, as if it was wee this was humiliating. Went in and had it confimed that it was indeed my waters, they'd been leaking all day and I had until 9am the next morning to go into labour before they'd induce me.

OH MY GOD I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!

But I'd still had no contractions, so I just accepted that I'd have to be induced, had a nice long hot bath, a lovely dinner and a tiny glass of wine, before lots of cuddles with Daddy Bear and went to bed early.

30th March

3am - awoke with a nasty pain in my tummy - thought I needed a poo so I got up and got about half way across the room before I felt the rest of my waters gush out. Wide eyed and giggling because I didn't think it was going to happen I waddled to get a towel and made a nappy with it. Daddy Bear came in from the living room, hearing me move around and I told him I thought I was going into labour. But first I really needed the toilet. I contracted twice on the way to the loo, and panicked a bit. They were already five minutes apart, and painful. I got dressed, had a slice of toast and phoned my mum because they were already so painful I couldn't walk or talk through them. I gave maternity a ring, and contracted twice during the five minute call, so they told me to come straight in.

4.15am - My mum arrived and helped me get my things together, Daddy Bear was grabbing things that I thought of , whilst I panicked.

4.45am - The car ride to the hospital was absolutely horrendous, I felt like I needed to push with each contraction, it was painful but bearable. I contracted every two minutes, which made the corridor to maternity seem a mile long but eventually I got there and was put straight into a bed. I tried to tell her what had happened but I couldn't, so midwife examined me... 10cms and ready to push him out!!!

So I had Daddy Bear on one side and my mum on the other, the midwife stood out of the way and let me follow my instincts. So I pushed for around 50 mins, and he came out eyes open making noises at 5.59am, put straight onto my chest. I've never felt anything like it, the overwhelming joy as my baby boy was put into my arms. Everybody cried, it was beautiful and natural, no painkillers but I did tear so needed a fair few stitches. It was a dream labour, I couldn't have imagined anything better and would do it again in a second.

He's a fussy feeder but I'm trying not to give up breast feeding, am so tired but he's so worth it.

I barely get a second between feeding, visitors and cuddles, so I'll update again when I can!!

Loving every moment with our beautiful Baby Bear

xxx

40 weeks

I'm so tired I can barely type, so will just say that I had a huge bloody show last night, and was asked to go up to hospital as Baby Bear was being stubborn and refusing to move! After waiting over an hour to be seen, then being stuck on a CTG trace for another half hour, I was told I'm contracting every four minutes but they aren't painful, I'm 2cm dilated and fully effaced with Baby Bear's head so low she could barely get the speculum (devilish duck beak) in. As it is my due date today (yay) she gave me a stretch and sweep, which is every bit as pleasant as it sounds, and told to wait and see.

I'm in early labour, and I'm exhausted, after finally making it home at 4 am I started cramping, which I think was down to the sweep. I've slept and the cramps and contractions have stopped, so watch this space :)

39+4

Dear Baby Bear,

This is a final reminder of your eviction date on the 28th March 2011. You were sent a notice at 37 weeks, offering less hormonal rages if you evacuated, but you have chosen to remain within the premises.

We have continued to receive complaints from Mummy Bear about heartburn, aches and pains, frequent urination and an inability to eat, sleep or walk without some kind of interruption for yourself. She has also asked us to remind you that you have a perfectly lovely nursery to reside in once you have been evicted, and questions why you choose to remain squished inside her uterus, when you clearly don't have enough room. Daddy Bear would like to comment that everybody is desperate for a cuddle, as well as the opportunity to open their mouth without being growled at by Mummy Bear.

So, on the 28th March 2011, the bailiffs are being sent in to remove you from the premises. It will be a long process, but you will end up in Mummy Bear's arms, and showered with love. You have until then to come out of your own accord.

Yours Sincerely,
The Hormone Police

38+5

So, after my... ahem... small rant the other day, I went to my NHS Parentcraft Class, dragging an incredibly sleepy Daddy Bear behind me. It was really interesting, and not at all what I expected. With a name such as 'Parent'Craft, I expected it to be about the first few days after baby, nappy changing, feeding, that sort of thing, but it was actually more focused on the labour and birth, which, with mine being very soon, was actually lovely.

Everybody was less pregnant than I, as I think your supposed to go between 28-34 weeks, and that's whereabouts most of the preggo ladies were! I felt there stares on my enormous belly and felt them wondering if I was going to pop in the FOUR HOUR class. I didn't. Bloody wish I did though. Anyway, she went through the stages of labour, early labour tips, wshen to go to hospital, what happens when you get there, coping and pain relief, birthing positions and options, what a birth partner can do for you, what happens immediately after the birth. It was so much information but all very relevant to us, and I think it was more beneficial to me as someone that was about to drop than perhaps the ladies less far along, some who looked very frightened at some things! Can't say some of it didn't scare the bejeezus out fo my but it's inevitably going to happen at some point within the next few weeks!

We then got to look around. Daddy Bear wasn't keen as he knows I'd love to give birth in a birthing centre such as this rather than a hospital, and as soon as I looked around, having been admitted to the labour ward at our local hospital before, much preferred the birth centre :(. There was a young girl who gave birth two days ago and was very happy to let us coo over her tiny bubba. Never felt so broody in my life. We got to see the postnatal room, the birthing suites and the birth pool, and I was really happy to see it, it made it feel very real.

I highly recommend the class to any first-time mum's who perhaps aren't so sure about the labour, like me, and want more information. If you've given birth before it would probably just be everything you already knew!

On another note, my desperation to have my baby focused on this 'supermoon' which apparently makes lots of ladies go into labour. I waited. Considered dancing naked in the moonlight. Still probably wouldn't have worked... Given my neighbours a shock perhaps though...

Still waiting the arrival of our little Baby Bear
xxx

38+4

I'm going to go overdue, aren't I?

It doesn't matter how much sex I have, how much walking I do, how long I bounce on that frigging gym ball, I still haven't had this baby. I've had some ridiculously strong Braxton Hicks, two episodes of pink discharge, one brown (I don't even care about too much information right now, dignity has disappeared), pains in my back, about every other pre labour sign you could imagine, and yet I'm still very pregnant.

I almost punched the woman who told me I must have made such a nice home for my baby he or she just wants to stay in there.
Piss off.

Also unwanted, the amount of texts, phonecalls and facebook messages I get asking me if I have had my baby yet.

Hormonal responses have included;
*Yes, this belly is just wind.
*Yes, I just thought I wouldn't tell anybody.
*Does it look like I've had my baby?
*Piss off.

I've been on google for hours looking at natural induction methods, tried most of them, SOOOO not working for me.

Nipple stimulation - feels horrible, makes my boobs really sensitive and irritates me.
Walking - Hurts! My pelvis feels like it's splitting in half and I get stabbing pains in my cervix from the baby pressing down. I also got told off by my midwife as walking aggravates my SPD.
Going up and down stairs - Again is painful, am also way to unfit and couldn't breathe after two flights.
Bouncing on my gym ball - Bouncing, rocking, swaying, laying over - I'm sick of the sight of the bloody thing, I spend hours on it every day as it's the only thing I'm comfortable on. However, baby is right down in my pelvis which is a plus.
Pineapple - just tried this one, ate an entire pineapple. All it did was give me a really sore tongue and heartburn. Won't be giving that one another go!
Sex - the only fun one to try!! Copious amounts of it will put both of you in a better mood, I highly recommend it. It brings us closer together at a time when being close to me is dangerous, and is bloody hilarious as my enormous belly makes it hard to get within two feet of each other. Also has set of some really strong contractions on a few occasions but they always die off :(

I shall go back to researching - I'm really not keen on taking anything such as Evening Primrose Oil or Castor Oil as have heard mixed reviews. As keen as I am to get this little one out I'm really not wanting to take anything to do so. I think the methods I've tried have been natural and don't want to push it too far.

On a lighter note - Daddy Bear finally got fed up with the jungle I've been growing down below. I attempted it a few weeks ago, and as I can't get anywhere near it I just ended up with a patchy combover job :s. But last night when I finally let him do it for me, after running away from him for about fifteen minutes, I lay in a very unattactive position and almost wet myself laughing the entire time he was down there. Although it looks much better, it will never happen again.

So, I'm going to carrying on trying sex, walking (short distances), and bouncing on my gym ball.
Hopefully, Baby Bear joins us soon, or nobody I know will ever speak to me (being a hormonal cow) again.

Impatiently awaiting the arrival of our Baby Bear
xxx

37+5

So... Haven't posted in a few days as I've been very (in)patiently waiting for my baby to arrive, and it really looked like last night was the night!

But here I am, still waiting for my little one.

Early afternoon yesterday I decided I was fed up waiting for a baby to put in my newly finished nursery, and woke Daddy Bear up for a bit of... (ahem) well, my theory being what got it in there must get it out, right? Then a romantic meal of pineapple and mango.

Well it seemed like it. I was getting nasty pains in my lower back on and off which never went and irregular tightenings in my stomach. So I got on my ball and I bounced. I bounced like it... well, like it would get this baby out. And it got painful. Then I had a sudden urge to tidy my house, and at eight pm I changed the sheets (stupidly spicy fajitas). Still getting pains in my back, so I had a bath and they disappeared. Dammit. So I watched TV, downhearted and got into bed, where they started up again. This baby is a tease!! I ignored them and got up for one last wee before sleep. On wiping, I noticed spotting. You've never seen anybody so excited about blood on toilet paper. I skipped into the living room, rolled my gym ball into my bedroom and rocked gently, practicing my breathing and listening to sooooooothing music. After two and a half hours of these pains, I was really tired and climbed into bed. I fell asleep. I woke up.

THE PAINS HAVE STOPPED!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I am now sat with a face of thunder on my gym ball, waiting for Daddy Bear to wake up so I can try 'doing the deed' again. As awkward and uncomfortable as it is, and as much as he does NOT like doing it when I am this pregnant and has convinced himself he's going to break my waters of poke our child in the head.

Impatiently awaiting the arrival of Baby Bear
xxx

37 weeks

So I made it to full term!!

I can't actually believe I've made it this far, it's not been an easy pregnancy for me, and the end is finally in sight, I'm going to have this little Bear in my arms soon.

Looking back, it's been a scary, exciting time for me and Daddy Bear.

I was at work when I found out I was pregnant. Daddy Bear and I hadn't been together very long at all, and I'd been feeling off. I'd put the sore breasts down to being due on my period, I hadn't had any sickness, I just felt rubbish. So I tested my urine for an infection, and did a quick pregnancy test as it's protocol for 'sexually active' women in our hospital. I pottered off, I have little patience and waiting 3-5 minutes irritates me. When I came back, there was a positive test sat on the side. I assumed someone had cleared mine away and did another one. So I repeated it, and stood and watched until a faint but positive sign arrived. It was the first of many positives.

So I called Daddy Bear, and told him very tearfully. He was very quite for a very long time and agreed to talk to me when I'd finished work.

The next morning I woke up with cramps. I haven't even come to terms with my pregnancy but I was terrified that I might lose my baby. It was crazy, 24 hours before I hadn't even known about it, and today it might not happen at all. I phoned my GP, who told me to come in immediately (They sure know how to scare you). It turns out I did have a UTI, it had gotten overlooked with the whole positive pregnancy test thing. I'd never felt relief like it!!

Fast forward 4 weeks, and I'm excited about being two months into my pregnancy (little did I know how slowly it was going to go) and I start getting stabbing pains in my right side and shoulder tip pain. Now this was scary, I knew the signs of ectopic pregnancy, and this time it wasn't just my baby's life at risk, it was mine too. I went back to my GP who rushed me in for a blood test to check my HCG levels. I'd always been naive about pregnancy, not understanding the link a woman could have with a life that was barely there. Until my own was at risk.

But I was okay, and at 13 weeks I got to see my beautiful baby. It's magical, it really is. I'd accepted that there was a baby in there, but to see it moving and wriggling inside me, playing hide and seek from the sonographer.

At 20 weeks, my world came to a stop again. I was days away from my next scan when I was woken up with cramps. Nobody was home and I had to wait for Daddy Bear to come home from a night home. When he finally came back, he was trying to talk to me and I was trying to pretend I was okay, until I burst into tears with a cramp. He was running around like a headless chicken, wanting to call an ambulance. Thankfully, I managed to calm down and call the maternity ward, who dismissed it as Braxton Hicks, if it didn't get orse then see my doctor in the morning.

So I did. ANOTHER UTI was irritating my uterus into contracting, hence the regular tightenings. Yet another course of anti-biotics, which cleared the UTI but to this day I still get Braxton Hicks at regular intervals throughout the day. And a few days later, I got to see my baby again, kicking and somersaulting, and not keeping still for a single picture. It was amazing to see how much my bean had grown and changed.

Other than the Braxton Hicks, my pregnancy was fairly uneventful until a bleed at 28 weeks whilst I was at work, and another at 30 weeks. Bleeding in late pregnancy is terrifying - to have gotten so far and have the threat of that being taken away from me made my world stop turning.

But I made it!! And after 2 UTI's, thrush, chronic heartburn, SPD, and irritable uterus and various other things, I'm offically handing Baby Bear an eviction notice.

Here's to daily walks, bouncing like a maniac on my gym ball, sex, pinapples and whatever else might encourage baby out. I'll let you know how it goes

Impatiently awaiting the arrival of our full-term Baby Bear
xxx

35+5

God, they aren't joking when they say the last bit drags...

My body is exhausted! Still having constant Braxton Hicks, they're not always painful but I feel like I'm doing hundreds of sit ups and my tummy muscles are sore and tired.
I'm also getting pre-menstrual type cramps in my back and my tummy, and am unable to sleep properly because my baby's big head keeps nestling into my bladder.

Scared myself this morning, after waking up at 6.30am for no particular reason, I had breakfast and sat on my gym ball because my poor pelvis was falling apart... bouncing away comfortably for a while before I felt wet. I waddled off to the loo and sure enough my pants were fairly wet and I had a 2x3 inch wet patch on my pajamas... and it wasn't pee!! I showered, put on a pad and went about my business. Am damp but no longer wet so I'm guessing it was just a tease...

I can't do four more weeks or am I aren't I, it will drive me insane. So I'm voting that there should be no labour type signs until you are going to have your baby within 24 hours... And I think most pregnant women would agree with me.

Impatiently awaiting the arrival of our little Baby Bear
xxx

35+3

UPDATE:

So far nothing has happened, the contractions pick up for a few hours and can be really quite painful, but they drop off again before they make anything of themselves!!
Baby Bear is still very very low, and the pressure on my bladder means I am going to the toilet up to six times a night... it's fun, you should try it...
I've also woken up the last two nights with period like cramps in my back and the bottom of my bump and the front of my bump, all down the front is so sore to touch - I think little one has been beating me up in my sleep and my tummy is tired from the constant contractions :(

So all in all, I think my body is preparing for imminent labour, and I am really convinced I won't make 40 weeks. Daddy Bear is getting twitchy now, and has asked me every time I phone to say it hurts if I think baby is coming tonight - it's quite funny! However, I could be really wrong and will be moaning at 41+3 that I am desperate to get baby out.

We shall see...

Eagerly awaiting our little Baby Bear.

35+1

So Daddy Bear and I walked to the shop yesterday (i get bored and restless easily) and I started getting pains in my back, on and off all the way home. Daddy Bear made me lunch but I had them all night, despite taking paracetomol and having a bath. They did slow down and I managed to get to sleep around midnight.

But low and behold I wake up this morning in pain yet again, at 7am. It's now almost ten and they are so persistant!! But sneaky... they'll pick up to every four minutes, and I start thinking something is happening, and then they'll drop to every ten minutes, so I think it's over... but no, no now they're six minutes apart, now four, still four, no, no, now six minutes...

I'm tired!!my tummy muscles are exhausted and I'm so restless but I don't want to call labor and delivery and be told to man up...

I'm going to keep and eye on them, watch this space...

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of our Baby Bear
xxx

34+6

I am officially a sausage.

I woke up on Friday, had my a lovely shower, got dressed and sat in front of my mirror to dry my hair. That was when I noticed my hands and feet had blown up like balloons and I looked ridiculous. Hoping it was the heat of the shower I got up and carried on with my day, went into town to do some shopping - finally ordered the Cocoon for my pram and bought a new mattress for my Moses basket. Not to mention some sleepsuits, vests, bedding for moses basket, blankets etc. Met Daddy Bear in the restaurant where he works, and he agreed that I was looking a bit sausage-y, and he would take me home. It was almost the end of his shift, I should wait for him. He didn't mention that because he was Mr Boss Man he still had to cash up and unpack the delivery and various other things, but that's neither here nor there.

In the end I phoned the Maternity Unit - the swelling in my feet was getting worse, not better. The midwife was quite happy for me to stay home as long as I didn't have a headache or visual disturbances, which I didn't, but to still go in the next morning for a blood pressure check.

So off I waddled the next morning, still looking like a sausage, to a lovely midwife who checked my blood pressure (higher than mine usually is but still fine) and my urine (clear) measuring my belly (35cm at 34+4) and listened to Baby Bear, who was still head down and engaged nicely in my pelvis. Happy neither me or baby were in any danger, she let me go home.

My hands aren't looking so sausage-y anymore, but my feet are. I have no creases in my fat little toes - and refuse to accept that this is part and parcel of late pregnancy. None of my shoes fit!

So, Baby Bear, as soon as you are healthy and ready to come out, please save me from my sausage-ness and come meet us...

Eagerly awaiting our little Baby Bear
xxx

34+1

Haven't posted in what feels like forever, but it's been a busy few days!! I've moved house and am 'settling' - it's like nesting in the extreme right now I love it. The restless feeling I got in my old perfect flat isn't there as much now - this new place has so much to do but my body doesn't want to play and decides that 1 hr of work = a well needed nap...

On the upside I have a nursery. I have a room to put my beautiful baby in - and I'm so excited!! Okay, so I might not have unpacked my own bedroom and I may be running out of clean underwear... But I unpacked the baby's things, did my first load of baby washing which is now drying and looking adorable on my drier!! rearranged the furniture (well what I have anyway) and got very excited and broody.

May have had a slight pregnant hissy fit today... my mum phoned to say she was going to Ikea - which is where I happen to want all my nursery stuff from... at 1pm. I had a midwife appointment at 3.15pm and Ikea is a 45 minute drive away. She tried to make me feel better by saying she'd buy what I wanted if I gave her a lift OBVIOUSLY not understanding that I wanted to wander around the whole baby section aimlessly picking things up. Not happy. No I don't care that she'd take me next week - I wanted to go NOW. Pregnancy hormones = acting like a spoilt five year old apparently. Daddy Bear was sleeping and therefore not all that bothered so I was left to strop on my own! Jeez!

On the plus side - midwife is perfectly happy with Baby Bear. Growth is back on track - I'm measuring 34cms at 34 weeks which is perfect so now more worrying that baby is going to be enormous - phew!! Also, the little fidget has finally settled head down - and is 3/5 engaged! which is a big change from my last appointment where she couldn't tell where baby was sat because of how active it was... things are looking good.

So 6 weeks to go, and I'll have a beautiful baby boy or girl to put in my pretty nursery

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of our beautiful Baby Bear
xxx

33 weeks

I'd just like to send out thoughts and love to Amanda Holden, who sadly lost her baby this week. To lose a baby early on is devastating, but a late loss is unimaginable. It's so easy to put someone in a celebrity position into a box - we tend to think they lead these sparkly lives but in reality, awful things like this do happen, and it doesn't matter how much money you have or what you do. Kim Marsh and Lily Allen were two other who so sadly lost their babies - I can't imagine losing our Baby Bear but to have your devastation out there in the public must be unbearable.

Pregnancy is such a worrying time, it's so uncertain and every woman worries every day that something will go wrong. I hate not having control over it, not being able to know for definate that my gorgeous baby will be born safe and healthy. I panic if Baby Bear doesn't move for 10 minutes, or at the slightest twinge!! I'm convinced it's just to prepare us for the lifetime of worry that comes with being a parent. I like to trick myself into thinking that once Baby Bear is born then I can stop panicking but it's not really the case is it? Oh dear. Looks like I'm in for a life of anti-anxiety meds and a glass of wine before bed :s

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of our little Baby Bear
xxx

32+3

I thought I'd gotten away with it.
But I walked past the mirror this morning and there they were. Purple stretchmarks...

A few years back I tried the implanon, and within two months I'd gone from a trim 8 stone 2 to a podgy 10 stone 6. Cheers. Anyway, I lost the weight and gained a few stretchmarks over my love handles, which never really bothered me that much as they were silvery and faint.

These newbies are a whole different story. About five on each side appeared at about 28 weeks, but it's difficult for me to see that far round so I don't really pay much attention to them. But waddling into the bathroom today in my pajama top (which is now a crop top) I noticed they'd doubled! I've got two small scars beside my hipbone from an old piercing which have also turned into stretchmarks, and there are blurry patches through my tattoo. I'm not a happy Bear - I honestly thought I'd gotten away with it!!

Daddy Bear has always and will always tell me not to be so silly, that I'm beautiful and that stretchmarks are part and parcel of pregnancy, I'm just hoping they don't sprout up anywhere else!! I love my bump and don't want it covered in the dreaded stretchies.
Daddy Bear needs to bear in mind that I'm only young and want a future of holidays in bikinis!!


Baby Bear, what are you doing to mummy's tummy?!?!

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of our little Baby Bear
xxx

31+5

Despite the time of the day (or night), I love watching my belly roll and jiggle as Baby Bear wiggles about in there.
Now certain things that wake me up can put me in a foul mood
*Heartburn. Not a night goes by when i don't have to get up at least once to take Gaviscon
*Pelvic Pain. Recently diagnosed with SPD and sometimes the pain in my public bone from just rolling over is enough to take my breath away!
*Having to pee. I know this is pretty much just accepted with pregnancy but it just irritates me.
*Daddy Bear. Daddy Bear works nights and usually comes home at about 5-6am, gets into bed, spends 10 minutes puffing up his pillows and faffing about, before falling asleep, rolling onto my side of the bed and snoring in my ear.
*Snoring. Not Daddy Bear's, my OWN SNORING WAKES ME UP!! Seriously, since I hit my third trimester I snore like a trucker and actually wake myself up. Am terrified to fall asleep when anybody but Daddy Bear is around as it's horrendous.

This list isn't exhaustive, there are plenty more things that wake me up and put me in a bad mood, but these are the ones from last night, and every night for the last God knows how many weeks.

But the one thing I don't mind, is feeling tiny feet and hands trying to escape through my belly. It's an odd feeling, I feel the baby roll before a small area of tightness and touch my tummy to feel an egg-sized lump which moves around. You can play Whack-a-Mole with him/her, every time I feel a limb poke out you can tickle it, it disappears and reappears somewhere else. It's such a fun game but if I turn the light on to try and film it, our stubborn little baby hides!!
In fact, every time I get the camera out the baby refuses to move, but this morning, I lay down on my sofa, actually going back to sleep not film the bubba but I managed to get a shot!!

It's not as amazing as I've seen before, but I got it!



Lunch is calling me

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of our wiggly Baby Bear
xxx

31+2

I love to nose at other's blooming bellies, so here's a few shots of mine over the weeks!!


So these were taken at 19, 21, 25, 28 and 31 weeks

As you can see I pop every now and then, but I don't take them weekly as I forget, and I like seeing the size difference over three weeks. Am still carrying very high, and am crossing every bit of my body possible that my little stretchmarks over my love handles are the only ones that appear!

Isn't it funny how despite your size, a bump can make you feel sexy and feminine. I've always hated putting on weight and the way it makes me feel, but the smooth tight skin over my stomach is beautiful to me.
I'll miss being pregnant. Not the constipation, piles, constant heartburn, stretchmarks and very limited wardrobe, but holding my bump, or watching Daddy Bear when he runs his fingers over my stomach, or Baby Bear rolling over, swishing, kicking and hiccuping inside me.

Have got friends over for dinner tonight, so I'm going to prep my dinner

Eagerly expecting our little Baby Bear
xxx

30+4

It's official, I will soon block out the sun with my enormous stomach. And yet I continue to eat.
Even my loving family cannot wipe off 'the look'. If you've had kids or are currently pregnancy you might have experienced 'the look'. I got a particularly big one after eating an entire roast dinner (having a massive plate and finishing before everybody else) and then looking around to see what else there was. When giving 'the look' people will often pause, fork half-way to mouth, and you can literally see them reminding themselves that you are pregnant.

Although I can give a few certain looks myself. Like the one Daddy Bear gets if he makes some stupid kind of comment like 'hungry?' after I finish my plate before he's halfway through. He really does set himself up sometimes, seemingly forgetting how volatile pregnancy hormones really can be. At mmy parents at the weekend he moaned about wanting to go home as he was tired and had work the next day. He then continued to say 'what do you do all day'. What sane man says that to a pregnant woman?? Seriously?
Oh, nothing much. Just cleaned your house, did your washing, ironed your clothes, cooked your dinner, not to mention GROW YOUR CHILD!!

Anyway, after my epic cleaning session the other day, I have little to do with my day. Which is really quite sad. So I've turned my attention to baked goods. Yesterday it was banana loaf, I found an amazing recipe and it's got fruit in it so I can convince myself it's healthy. Even better.
Today, it's flapjacks. Oats are healthy, right? Good.

All this food talk means I have to go check out what other goodies are hiding in my kitchen.

Eagerly awaiting our Baby Bear
xxx

30+2

Okay, so being 'productive' is over-rated.

Really over-rated. I woke up early, had breakfast with hubby and was excited at the prospect of scrubbing our flat. (Can I just say it was pretty tidy but have people coming to view the flat tomorrow). However, hours later I have discovered a few things - pregnancy has zapped all my energy meaning that tidying my flat takes a hell of a lot longer than before!! So long I was bored of cleaning!! Then, when I have bleached, scrubbed, polished, hoovered, swept, taken bins down, washed, dried and ironed our gorgeous 2-bed apartment, i discover I can no longer walk!! The pain in my pelvis is so bad that taking a few steps makes me gasp!!

So I thought - nap!! always makes me feel better... and guess who wakes up? Yep. got it in one. Hello Baby Bear, how's things in utero? Just so you know, you can't escape my belly through my ribs, however hard you try. Please stop it.

So I have now curled onto the sofa in a cloud of self-pity. I think I broke my back and may go on protest from any further housework!!


Anyway, I had a midwife appointment yesterday, and things are looking perfect. After two bleeds this fortnight baby is fine and growing and happy, hasn't settled into a position yet but she says our little gymnast has lots of time to stop somersaulting and decide where s/he wants to settle down. The only thing that bothers me was a small comment my midwife made...

midwife: So you're about 34 weeks? (As she measures my tummy)

me: No, 30 weeks. (With a slight frown)

midwife: (Starts measurement again) Okay, well it's not a problem... but you're measuring 32.5 weeks.

me: ......

I knew you were a tubster, Baby Bear!! Please take pity and come out a reasonable size and weight?

Eagerly awaiting our tubby Bear
xx

30 Weeks

Yes, I know it's late to start writing my pregnancy journal, but better late than never!! It's hard to believe I only have 10 weeks to go, I really feel like this pregnancy is starting to get somewhere now.

I had my last day at work yesterday, this is it now. I've been counting down to this day for a couple of months, and it's quite scary to think that the next thing I'll be counting down to is my due date!! So my first day of maternity leave has been... pretty unproductive!! I have all these plans but my body doesn't seem to care that I want a lot of things done before baby arrives.
It started well at least, I managed to sleep for eight hours, only waking up twice to pee, which is an absolute godsend and hasn't happened in... months. I don't even remember the last time I had a decent night's sleep. Then I got up with Daddy Bear, had breakfast whilst he complained that I'd kept him up all night fidgeting and snoring (ha!) and sent him off to work.

Things I actually managed to do today
1. clean my kitchen (Daddy Bear is a freak and hates the smell of bleach so I have to do it when he's out)
2. wash kitchen floor (still forgot to buy a mop, was done on hands and knees)

and then I went all dizzy and horrible because I hadn't eaten and had to make lunch and lie on the sofa. So other than a small pile of ironing and a load of washing, that was as exciting as my day got today, don't pretend you aren't jealous.

BUT, my New Year's Resolution was to eat better in the evenings, as I can get slack and lazy, and Tesco's Italian microwave meals become my best friend, and so far have managed it pretty well.

Tonight, we have cottage pie. Not exciting, but homemade from scratch as everything i have eaten for dinner in the past week has been - and I'm very proud (despite sitting here eating a packet of salt and vinegar Walkers...)

Daddy Bear is napping, but Baby bear seems excited at the prospect of food at least, showing me by sticking a pair of tiny feet out my right side and a bum up under my ribs.

I'm going to waft the smell of cooking meat towards Daddy Bear and see if he rouses
Hopefully tomorrow is a little more exciting!!

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of Baby Bear
xxx